Friday, August 29, 2014


This is my blog but no one is home!

I have started a new blog that you can view here...

Please stop by and check it out!   Thanks

Friday, June 20, 2014

9 traits of highly persuasive people. How many do you have?

1.  Constantly curious

In order to be highly persuasive you need to know everything possible about the person you are trying to persuade.  The two things most all people like to talk about are themselves and the things they like.  When you encourage others to talk about themselves they like you more.   And the more they like you the more they are likely to really listen when you do speak.    So ask a ton of questions and then be a...

2.  Great listener

The best sales people are not the fast talkers, they are the best listeners.   A rough guide line is to never talk more than 40% of the time.   Those who talk too much are not believed and make others suspicious of your intentions.

Learn to listen with your eyes.   Yeah sounds goofy but it really works and here is why?    When you watch intently you will begin to notice emotions that don't line up with their words. Paying attention to body language can give you valuable clues as what they are thinking.

The direction a person's feet are pointing will tell you where their head is.  If the feet are pointing away from you take that as a sign that they want to get away from you.   Crossed arms and leaning away from you may indicate they are not buying what you are saying.

3.  Generous

We all are pretty good at deciding who is a giver and who is a taker.    We like givers.   Giving also triggers reciprocity meaning they will feel a strong urge to give back and frequently give you more than you gave them.

A man gives a woman a sincere well thought out compliment and then asks her out on a date.   What do you think his chances of getting the date are?   Research says he has a 37% better chance of getting that date.   And guess what?   This principal can also help you make a sale.   Some people give out compliments like they were coming out their bank account.   Don't be that person.

Gift giving can cost a lot or nothing at all but the benefits can be great.   I have written extensively about the 'Rules of Reciprocity'.   It is powerful stuff.

4.  Storytellers

The most persuasive people don't have canned pitches they have great stories.   Stories are an amazing way to get past a persons resistance.   Tell a story about someone just like them had their problem and how you were able to solve it and chances are they will buy it.  

5.  Light hearted 

Those who are too serious suck the energy out of us.   Serious can only be effective in time of emergency or in small doses.   We prefer to be around light hearted people.   And it is much easier to get a person who is laughing to say yes than by laying too much serious on them.  

Serious people prefer the status quo.    People in light hearted mood are much more likely to try something new.  Job #1 is to start any interaction with a warm positive energy.

6.  Share the spotlight

Great persuaders are only to happy to share the spotlight and at times simply  deflect the spotlight on others.
They are the 'Public Praisers'.    They will seize every opportunity to praise others publically.   And how can you not  like someone who tells others how wonderful and talented you are?

7.   Comfort seekers

Not theirs....yours!   Great persuaders seek to make you comfortable.   They dress to make you comfortable.   They arrange to put you in situations that make you comfortable.   It's not about them, it's all about you.   Make a person comfortable and their resistance to you and your ideas dissolves.

8.  Clarify and simplify

Great persuaders know that too much information is a deal killer.   Too many choices mean no decision.  Complicated jargon is not believable.   It makes you sound salsey.   The more simple the persuasion the better the chance that it will be accepted.  

Do you remember this line from the OJ Simpson trial....if the glove doesn't fit you must acquit.   That simple line won the day.    Simplify.

9.  Admit you don't know

When you admit that you don't know something or that you were wrong, what happens?   Your credibility goes sky high.   It gets interpreted as a sign that you are honest and to be trusted.   Most people won't do that and then again.....most people aren't great persuaders!

HELP.......I would love to know if you have any thoughts on other top traits for highly persuasive people?
Let me know in the comments below....thanks much appreciated!

Monday, June 2, 2014

Is this trait the shortcut to success?

"All things being equal we will always choose to do business with those we like.   All things NOT being equal, we will still choose to do business with those we like"

Guess who are the most trusted people in the world according to a U.S. study?    For men it is Tom Hanks and for women it is Sandra Bullock.  Huh?   I thought they would say someone like the Dali Lama  or Jane Goodall.  Nope.   They chose two movie stars and the question is why?   The answer is because they are (or at least their movie personas)  so darn likeable.   Think about that?   Likeability equals trust! 

Now you can see why I  say likeability is the best short cut to success.   If they like you, they are inclined to trust you.   If they trust you they are more likely to buy what you are selling or grant you favors.  Both your business and personal life gets easier if you are liked.   So what makes people likeable?   

 Here are 12 traits of highly likeable people"

1.  We are attracted to healthy and attractive people.    All through their lives healthy and attractive people get preferential treatment.   This is even more so when it comes to women.   So if you are not blessed with good looks what can you do?   Read on...

2.  They mile and laugh a ton.   Laughter is contagious and smiles are reciprocated. You would have to work hard not to like someone who smiles and laughs a lot.   The best humor is self deprecating.   Making fun of others is a turn off. 

3.  They project a warm, energetic and strong personality.   This makes them appear confident.

4.  They listen more than they talk.   They ask lots of questions about you and your interests.  People LOVE to talk about themselves and the things they are passionate about.   

4.  They are 'public praisers'.   They are the first to sing someones praises in front of others. Imagine you are in a group and someone tells the others about how great you are?   Yeah, that feels really good.

5.  They don't hand out compliments like its coming out of the bank accounts.   The give sincere compliments.   And yes flattery feels good as long as the recipient can convince himself he deserves it.

6.  They make lots of eye contact.   

7.  They ask us for advice.   It makes us feel good to asked for advice or our opinion.   It makes us feel good to know that you value what we have to say. 

8.  They are honest, reliable and trustworthy.  We know we can count on them.

9.  They are like us in many ways.   So we are comfortable with them.   So you should 'seek the similarities' between the other person and yourself.   The more you find the more comfortable they will be with you.

10.  For instant likeability, when you meet someone greet them like a friend!   This has an amazing effect on people.    Treat them like a friend and at a subconsious level they will feel like you are a friend. kind and generous to everyone you meet because others are watching and will take notice.  Great and lasting impressions are made on those who watch someone in the act of kindness.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Think like a friend to sell like a superstar!

"To gain influence over others make them feel that you are more interested in them as a person than as a customer."

Before you can persuade anyone to buy your product or service you must first get past their resistance.   If you try to close a sale before you've gained some trust, respect or likeability you will likely fail.   The natural tendency is to say no to any proposal that isn't the status quo.    No one wants to be sold anything. However we do like to buy, especially if it is from someone we like, trust or respect.

"Your first objective is not to make the sale it is to start a relationship."

 Here are  7 ways to make them feel like you are their friend...

1.  Use their first name often.   Start and end every conversation with their first name.   People love to hear their name.   It is highly personal.   If they hear it being said often enough it will start to feel like you are a friend.   Also start and end with their first name if you are emailing or texting them. This is a very powerful tip that I hope you don't discount.   That's why I made it the first tip!

2.  Always be looking for something to like about the person.  If you start liking them they will start liking you.

3.  Seek the similarities.   It's the things that we have in common with others that is the basis of how most friendships are started.   It was my love of boating and being on the water that led me to great friendships with others who shared my passion.    We all tend to like people who share our interests and passions.

4.  Show interest in what they like.    People love to talk about two things;  themselves and the things they love.    So ask lots of questions about them and their interests.

5. Friends give friends small gifts.    So show up with a small gift and watch their resistance melt away.   It can be as small a gift as a cup of coffee.  Just remember that gifts with your company name on it are considered advertising and do not create gratitude or reciprocity.  Don't do that.

6. Greet them and say good bye like you would to a good friend.   Big smile and an energetic warm greeting or good bye.   Act a little excited to see them and they will be receptive to meet you.

7.  Make a commitment to developing a friendship.    One meeting just won't do it.   You are not going to gain trust with just one meeting.   Familiarity breeds likeability.  Likeability leads to friendship and friendship begets trust.  Trust leads to lots of business and that leads to becoming a superstar!

BONUS...pretending that the person you are about to meet for the first time is a friend causes you to relax and make a much better first impression.    Same goes when I am giving a presentation to a group.   I pretend in my head that they are my friends and a lot of the nervousness goes away.  Try it!

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Does asking for a favor make others want to do more for you?

"One of the most effective ways to influence others is to ask for advice or assistance"

Imagine that you are new to a position and you want to persuade a client to give you some business?    She knows that you are inexperienced and your knowledge of her business and of the industry is extremely limited.  What chance would you have of making a sale?   The odds would be pretty low, right?

However, what if you were to say something like this.....'I confess that my knowledge of your business needs is very limited.  And I was wondering if you could give me some advice?   What would I have to do to earn the privilege of doing business with you?    Odds are over-whelmingly strong that she would give you some very valuable advice. 


*  because we programmed to want to help when asked
*  because it is empowering to be asked for help
*  because it is totally non threatening so the client loses her resistance to you

A little story...

Ben Franklin had a political opponent that fought him on every turn.   The man was a pain in the butt to Ben.  A strong dislike was growing between them.    Ben decided to try and turn things around.

Here is what Ben did....

Ben knew the man had a wonderful library of valuable books.   Ben asked the man if he would consider lending him one of his books that Ben was most interested in reading.   He was at first shocked that an advisary would ask for a favor.   He considered Ben's request and relented and loaned the book to Ben.

Then what happened...

Ben read the book and offered gracious thanks for the favor.  Ben noticed the man softened to him and became even friendly.  So what did Ben do?   He asked him for assistance in developing a bill for Congress   He agreed.   They became friends!

Asking for advice or a small favor causes others to be more receptive to us.

Asking for advice is significantly more persuasive than using pressure tactics.   It doesn't build pressure or leave a sour taste. Also, they will tell you how they like to be sold....isn't that beautiful?   And here is an unexpected bonus for asking for advice....

When we ask for advice we are perceived as being more intelligent!   After all, you are showing some wisdom by choosing to ask me for advice"

This is how even an inexperienced person can level the persuasion table.

Pssst.....can I ask you for a small favor?   Would you be so kind as to hit the f button below and share this with your facebook friends?   Because it would make me so happy....thanks!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

What is your dramatic difference? Should you have one?

"Sameness is boring, has no appeal and leads to mediocrity"

In business and in life it easy to fit in and be like everyone else.   But where will that get you?  At best you can be average and how much fun is that.    

What if....your company was dramatically different (in a positive way) than the competition?   Now that would be a huge advantage.

What were dramatically different than your peers and competitors?   Then  guess who would; get the job, make the sale or get the promotion?   

What if....your product or service was dramatically different than the competition?   That is the mark of high growth companies, they are dramatically different than the competition.   Think Apple, Google and Tesla Motors.   

So is there is anything dramatically different between you and competition? Why should anyone give you their business?   Can you articulate your difference in a simple repeatable way that is easy to understand?   Would everyone in your company be able to deliver the message equally well?

Now imagine if your 'elevator speech' included something that explained why you or your company was dramatically different than your competitors?    Now that would be powerful and profitable. 

So let the drums roll and flags fly, here is my personal dramatic difference....

"I teach cutting edge persuasion techniques based in science that are fun and easy to learn.  They have been tested and proven to work as opposed to the old school high pressure sales tactics that have been passed down for decades. 

To me that is dramatically different than my competitors.   

Your turn....what makes you or your company 'dramatically different'?   Your future depends on your answer.   If you haven't got an answer, wouldn't that be a powerful thing to work on?

Here is my secondary difference which I really like......I make it easy for your clients to say yes and hard to say no.  

Thursday, January 9, 2014

One simple rule guaranteed to make you more persuasive and likeable

"To listen is to be willing to be changed or persuaded by what we hear"
Only when the other person perceives that they are honestly being listened to will they really hear what we are saying.  When we feel we are not listened to we build resistance to the other persons thoughts. 
We are all guilty of waiting for the other person to finish so that we can have our say.   While they are talking most of us are busy not listening and instead forming our next thoughts.   The easy solution is....
The 50% Rule
Make sure the other person gets to speak at least 50% of the time.  Simple!  And if you let the other person speak 70 to 80% of the time guess what happens....
*  You start to build rapport
*  They like you more
*  They think you are smarter
*  The feel appreciated
*  Their resistance to you and your ideas drops
*  They will really listen to you
Isn`t that beautiful and all you have to do is stop talking!
Listen to learn
It is easier to persuade if you know where the other person is coming from.   Ask questions, ask lots of questions.   This gets you the information you need to persuade. The guy that talks the most usually walks away feeling satisified and comfortable.   Whose comfort is more important to you.
The first objective of persuasion is to find ways to lower their resistance to you and your ideas and requests.   This is the easiest path to preparing someone to be persuaded.  
Talk less to be more persuasive and likeable!