Friday, October 1, 2010
How Seducers Build Trust
"warriors and seducers both understand the importance of trust. They just go about it differently"
Warriors understand and live by principals like; honor, truth and keeping your word. Over time their efforts pay off and they do earn the trust of others. This is a fine method, but as I said, it takes time (sometimes of a heck of a lot of time).
Since seducers believe in there always being more than one answer, they are attuned to other possibilities. For them it is great fun to look beyond the obvious. Seducers are apt to ask themselves, is there a quicker, easier and more fun to build trust? Now, you being a fellow seducer, I'm happy to share the skinny with you. Here is the first lesson...
"trust doesn't always have to be earned"
Sometimes it is given freely and quickly, just because we happen to really like someone. Studies have shown, that we are always quicker to trust those who are likeable. And the good news is that likeability can be a learned behavior. There are several good books (like How To Make People Like You in 90 seconds by Nicholas Boothman) and of course you can check in with Mr Google for more free tips online. This is important stuff (likeability) it should be taught in school. To a seducer or seductress, it is just as important to be likeable, as it is to be honorable and truthful.
"if you trust that life is on yourside, life gets fun, easy and abundant"
It's easy to be optimistic, if you believe that life is on your side. It's that inner knowing, that somehow things always seem to work out. Those stuck in the drama of being a victim, scoff at ideas like this. But then when did you ever meet a victim type who had a fun, easy and abundant life? And let's get real here...we don't ever put our trust in negative people. We do naturally trust the optimistic soul, that displays confidence in a good outcome for us. And surprisingly, it can happen very quickly.
"passion is seductive"
One essential quality for leadership is passion. It's damn tough to follow someone who is complacent. Throughout the ages, passionate leaders have swayed the public and gained their trust with passion. Admitidly, it wasn't always a trust deserved and many times abused once power was gained. However, passion sways us. So if you are looking for a shortcut to trust (and I know you are) passion is it.
"seducers know that a spotlight shared or given to another, will always find it's way back to the giver"
Warriors love the spotlight, and see it as one the rewards for their hard work. Seducers also love the spotlight, but understand the value of sharing or putting the spotlight on someone else. Singing someone's praises, especially to a third party, is a real trust builder. How can you not trust someone who tells your boss, a friend or your spouse, just how special you are. When the word gets back to you as it always does, you are flooded with those feel good brain chemicals that we are all addicted to. Now, if the same words had been spoken directly to you, it may occur to you that they are just 'buttering you up' in order to gain something for you. In sales they call this, selling to the periphery. However, being as we are all altruistic seducers, our intentions are noble, right?
"trust given is trust returned"
When someone puts their trust in us, it is near impossible to not trust them in return. Having someone believe in our potential or our skills, creates a bond of trust. Being open and transparent with us, means it's ok to open and transparent with them. This is what the rule of reciprocity is all about, what we are given we return in kind or even greater if possible. You now have some inside information that gives you an advantage....but wait there is more!
"there is no resistance to the truth, when it is wrapped in good humor"
The skill that breaks down resisitance to trust faster than the speed of light is....humor! No sooner do we share a good laugh, then the walls of mistrust crumble to dust. Here is the thing about humor that most don't understand. You don't have to be a great story or joke teller, it is just as good to be the appreciator as the teller. How can you not like someone who busts a gut at your stories and jokes? There is no comedian without an appreciative audience and no one knows this more than the comedian. Sorry fake laughter doesn't work as well as the genuine stuff.
In a past life I was a real estate sales manager and would jokingly tell my staff...'make them laugh and their wallets would open'. Although, I would not have qualified as a great seducer back then, I can know see that I showed great promise. Now I say...'make them laugh or share that laugh and their hearts will open'. Trust is powerful stuff so use it responsibly.
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