The Power of Touch....use it to get your way!

We humans are addicted to touch.   From the times when we were babies we craved to be touched we needed it to survive.   Touching releases the hormone Oxytocin which is sometimes referred to as the cuddle or love homone.  

So how can you use touch to your advantage (without stepping over the line and getting punched or charged with unwanted sexual advances).    Some persuasion experts will tell you don't do it.  But I strongly disagree, just do it the right way.  

First, only touch appropriately.   This means only touching from the shoulder to the hand and in some cases with those you are comfortable with the back.  

Touch Technique #1

Situation:   Use this when you are starting a negotiation.

When you meet someone you are about to negotiate with whether it be a yard sale, a car purchase or selling your product.   Greet them with a handshake and while you are shaking hands give them a sincere compliment.   It is vital that you do these both at the same time.

Praise is perfect, flattery is phoney

It is essential that they believe you are sincere and the only way to be sure yourself is to be sincere.   The praise can be for anything; a well decorated office or picture of her children.  Just be sincere.

When you praise the other person at the same time they are being touched (handshake) you lower their resistance to you and you ideas.  The praise plus the release of Oxytocin causes them to be more trusting and to like you...

Touch Technique #2

Situation:   Use this to make a request at the end of a meeting.

Again while you shaking hands goodbye make a request.   So you might say something like...."it was great to meet you Allison, would you mind if I called on you again next week?"  

It is extremely hard to say no to a request when someone is holding your hand.   It goes against our nature.    Also, a request that is made out into the future is easier to agree to than one that is the next day.  

Just remember that the request and handshake have to be made at the same time!

Don't let the simplicity of these Touch Techniques fool you.   They work!   I've used them many times to great success.    And of course use them only for good intentions.

Simple way to make your proposals more effective

Mimic their body language

Research has proven that just adding mimicry made the sales pitch 20 percent more effective.  The trick is to delay a few seconds before mimicing another persons body movements.   There's plenty of research on mimicry's power:
Research has shown the two things a salesperson must have are:
1) empathy
2) ego drive.

Mimicry is a potent nonverbal form of empathy. It may be the key to sales.
 Mimicry makes you a better negotiator. The first words you should say in a negotiation are anything very similar to what the person on the other side of the table just said.   A good way to do this is to say....so what you are saying is (and then repeat back what they said)
Out and out mimicking people (but not obviously) causes them to like you more and to act more kind. On dates, when women mimic men the guys are more interested.

Mimicing makes people feel that you are like them and given the opportunity we prefer to do business with those we like and feel comfortable with.  

You would be more persuasive with this simple idea but you are free to ignore it

I discovered a simple little technique that increases the odds of someone granting a request you make of them.   I double dog dare you to try it out because it really works (most of the time).

Here's how it works...

When you make a request of someone you follow it up by acknowledging that the other person has a choice to do otherwise.   Here's an example..

Imagine you are asking a co-worker to help you with a new project.  You might say something like this....."John I would really appreciate a few minutes of your time to help me get this project finished and of course you are not obligated to help".

That kind of statement makes the person feel empowered and much more likely to help you.   There are any number of variations on the wording.  

Another example...

Imagine you want your husband to clean out the garage.   You could say something like this..."Honey I would really appreciate it if you would clean out the garage today because its getting hard to get the car in there.   However it is of course up to you"    Again your mate feels empowered because he gets to make the choice.

One more...

Imagine you want to go to the weekend football game and your wife is not all that thrilled with watching sports?   You might say something like this...."Mary I would love for us to go together to the game on Saturday because it is the last home game  however you are free to not go"

Ok, you get the idea.   Now I would be very pleased if you tried this out because it's fun and it works, of course you are free to just forget about it.

Confession time.....I actually used two techniques in this article.   The other one is using the word 'because'.   It is also a powerful persuasion word that when used also increases the chances of your request being granted.     So you got two ideas for the price one!   (I'm feeling really generous today)

Ridiculously easy persuasion tips

Fun and easy persuasion tips

Imagine that you are at this tropical beach. It is a beautiful day in paradise with a gentle breeze off of the ocean. You are in that hammock gently swaying back and forth. You are warm, relaxed and peaceful. The sun feels sooo good on your body. You are totally contented, peaceful and happy.

Now think about me the writer. How do you feel about my personality? Odds are that if you really allowed yourself to imgine being in that hammock on the beach that you will feel better about me also. Just by imagining being warm and relaxed improves your feelings about me or anyone else you immediately come into contact with.

So why am I telling you this? Because the feeling of warmth is very seductive. If you want to persuade someone to your point of view or buy your product or service you should always try to warm them up first. This is a persuasion technique called priming. It is priming you with a good feeling before introducing any request.

I'm not saying that you should bring them pictures of tropical beaches (but it might help). There are many ways to warm up a person. Here are a few...

Give them a hot drink. Researchers found that even just holding a hot drink (without drinking it) caused people to feel warmer towards others. They also found that when people were given a hot drink they became more generous and more likely to give to others. So you want your sweetie to do something for you, give them a hot drink first.

A warm handshake warms up you both. Now if you live in a cold climate location you need to ensure that you warm up your hands before shaking hands with someone. If you are going to introduced to someone and if you can discretely warm up your hands you are going to perceived much better. Just rub your hands together rapidly. They won't know why but they will instantly feel a closer bond with you by shaking a warm hand. Cool huh?

Who doesn't love a good hug? Sadly there are a very few who don't like to be touched but not many. The problem is its not a good idea to hug people you just met. But if you are going to persuade someone you know and you can safely hug them they will melt in agreement. Just thinking about this makes me want a hug?

A great smile will warm any heart. You've got so use it! It's darn near impossible to resist returning a great smile.

Warm words. Reaserchers found that when bell hops went to carry bags from a room for guests that if they mentioned it was a beautiful sunny day their tips increased. Just talking about a sunny day was enough to warm up the other person. So words matter. Oh by the way did I mention its going to be a beautiful sunny day today? And how would you feel about buying me a Baileys and coffee?

And finally....

That's right....its good to have beautiful sunny images to warm you up and your clients.

Now that I've warmed you up to my ideas, would you like to buy a great book?

Is too much professionalism hurting your businerss or career?

"An ounce of personalization is worth a pound of professionalism"

The world has changed and most people haven't noticed.   The old paradim for business success was to achieve a high level of professionalism.  And while our clients and customers expect a certain level of professionalism,  they want more even more.  

Competition today is far more intense and our clients are getting bombarded with massive information and sales pitches for products and services.   So what they crave is to like, trust and respect those they do business with so that they can simplify their decisions and choices.

"If you earn your business by having the best price, product or service you might one day lose that business to the next guy who comes along with a better price, product or service.   But if they really like you then you have to really screw up before they will go elsewhere"  

It all starts with liking who they deal with.   Because all things being equal we prefer and most often do business with those we like and get this.....all things being unequal we still frequently chose to do business with those we  like!  This is why its sometimes better to ease up on the professionalism and get more personal.

Making personal relationships with clients and customers is so incredibly important and the methods to do that are endless.   Mostly I just want you to appreciate how important it is and to give just a few examples to stir your creative juices about how to build a lasting rapport with your clients.

Get personal

Now a days it seems the only people that call you Mr. Mrs or Ms is probably one of the following:

Police
Tax man
Bill collector

Not exactly a fun group to get a call from.   So as you can imagine where it was once a sign of respect today it puts people on edge when someone says....hello Ms Brown this is...etc.   However, when someone says...hi Rachel this is...    Well you get the idea, first names are personal and last names are professionalism.    First names are what our friends and family call us.  Get personal to get the sale!

The sweetest sound to a human is our own name,,,

Start and end all emails, letters and conversations with a persons name.   Use their name as often as you can without sounding unnatural or salesy.   It sounds so simple but like others before you who have tried this...you will be amazed at the difference.  People like to  hear and read their name.   Using it goes a long way to create likeability and trust. 

Seek similarities

Professionals are taught to identify the customers problems and opportunties and then build their presentation around that.   Then they move in for the close. 

"Your first objective is not to make a sale, it is start a relationship"

Superstars build trust and likeability long before they even make a presentation.  One of the best ways to do this is to seek the similarities between you and the client.   Did you go to the same college?   Do you cheer for the same sports team?   Do you share a passion for motorcycles?   Do you read the same kinds of books?   Do you belong to similar organizations like; toastmasters or Chamber of Commerce?  Do you both have kids.

You can always find some similarities if you seek them out!

Have you ever been on a holiday in a foreign country and then happened to meet someone from close to where you live?   You felt an immediate connection.   And that's what you are after...a common connection. 

One phrase I've always had a distaste for is....It's just business!   Today its not just business, today it's personal!

Gifts

Do you want to make your corporate gifts more valuable?    Then don't put your company name on it.    I realize that many people think this is effective marketing but it's not.   When you put your company logo on it...it is advertising and is viewed that way by the recipient.   It diminishes the gift and the appreciation of it. 

We've all received calendars, pens and caps with logos etc on them.    And you probably do what I do with them.   Throw them in a drawer somewhere or give them to someone else.

What to make your gift worth more?

Put their name on it!   That's personalization that will long be appreciated and kept.  And don't worry your pretty little head about it....they won't forgot who gave it to them.

"By all means be professional and by all means get personal"

 

How novelty can make you more persuasive

"We are motivated by novelty"

It is completely irrational to line up for hours to be one of the first to get some new game or technology when if you just waited for a week you could simply walk into that same store and pick it up in minutes.   Why do we do that?

Turns out we love the novelty of new and the bragging rights to being the first to have or know about something.   It feeds our brains that feel good chemical dophamine.

 

"Sameness is boring and predictable whereas novelty is exciting and new"

There are several ways you can use this to your advantage if you are trying to sell, influence or persauade.   

First, a person will be more open to your proposals if they are in a new and novel location when you make your pitch.   If you are trying to persuade someone to buy your product or service it can help you make the other person more responsive if you take them to a new restaurant (somewhere they've never been before). 

Novelty helps us to learn.    We learn better if we receive the information in novel ways.   When I gave my last seminar on "Power Persuasion" the CEO had suggested that we use his boardroom.   I declined and insisted that we use an outside venue.   It worked beautifully.   In the novel location it made his excutives and managers much more receptive to the new materials I was teaching.

I also presented my information in a humorous way whenever possible.   I wanted it be a fun experience.   They loved it.

Second, ask yourself how can I make my presentation if a novel way?    Whether it is business cards or sales literature they almost all look alike.   Your client has seen a million like yours.  Everyone has been trained to make it professional.      Seek out someway to make yours novel and make them sit up and notice.  

I had one company print their literature on glossy and heavy paper with bold colors and graphics instead of the standard paper black and white professional approach.   That alone made a big difference.   When given the materials clients paused for a moment because of the novelty (unexpectactly different from others).   The novelty made them curious to know more....mission accomplished!

A surprising simple (novel) way to communicate...

Now a days most of our communications is done via emails, texts and social media.   It is highly impersonal and common.   So to be novel write a hand written thank you note.   It is so uncommon to get a hand written letter or note that when you get one it is incredibly novel.   Try it and you will be amazed.

I was having some difficulty with a person I know.   Talking or emailing was not doing much to clear things up.   So I got a card and wrote a personal message.   The result was amazing to me.    She not only responded positivily but very warmly.  Problem solved!

But don't do this...

Last year I received a personal note from a VP with WestJet Airlines in which he thanked me for all of the ideas that I had created for his company.  Nice...huh?   Only one problem, his handwriting was so atrocious it took me a long time to decipher it.   It kind of disgusted me that someone would be so sloppy.   I mean you can't really show it to your buddies how great someone thinks you are when they can't read it. 

If you can't take the time to write neatly don't bother!

How to find out what others really think about you?

"To find out another persons real opinion ask them what they believe everyone else thinks"

Humans are mostly delusional!

In a research study  done in 1997 a thousand people were asked this question...who do you think is most likely to get into heaven?   Here are some of the results..

52%  said Bill Clinton
79%  said Mother Teresa
87%  said themselves

In some ways it is an advantage to be a little delusional but the evidence is clear, if you want to know the truth you can't always trust your own judgement.  So is asking others the best way to get a true response?

When you ask someone for their personal opinion you many times get a guarded to distorted response.   The reasons may vary;   they may want to protect your feelings or they may not want you to know their true feelings about something. 

For instance imagine that you ask someone what they think about your public speaking abilities?    The truth might well be that they think you suck at it and should keep your day job.   Instead they may something like....well, you're new at it but I can see some promise if you work on it.   Their answer is trying to go easy on you and it doesn't reflect their true belief. 

Now imagine asking them.....what do you believe others think about my public speaking?    Now, they are free to be more critical because its not what they believe, it is opinion of others.   Except it's not!   It is actually what they believe. 

No matter the question you will get a more honest answer if you ask them what they believe others think?

"There is nothing you can learn from a compliment but much that can be learned from constructive criticism"

What are some benefits of using this technique..

*  Understand the true objections to a sale
*  Know how you are being perceived
*  Find out where you are in the sales process
*  Get to the truth quickly and easily

Just remember...don't ask if you don't want to hear the truth!

So what do you believe others will think about this idea?