Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Will you be invited to the party?

Would you invite this gal to your next party?   Of course you would and so would everyone else.

It has occurred to me that you may not be having as much fun as you think you are.  Have you ever wondered, if you missed an invite to a party you never knew was even happening?   Fear not friends, I am here to help...

I have developed a simple and fun little test, to measure your happiness quotient.  Score high on the test and you will always be on everyone's invite list.   Score too low and... nice to know you, wouldn't want to be you. 

Here is how the scoring works:

1. means never
2. hardly
3. neutral
4. most of the time
5. almost all of the time

So let the fun begin..

People smile when they see me coming                            1  2  3  4  5
I smile when I approach stangers                                      1  2  3  4  5
I have fun at work                                                             1  2  3  4  5
I have fun at home                                                             1  2  3  4  5
I like to have parties or dinner for friends                        1  2  3  4  5
I have celebrations for special events                              1  2   3  4  5
I enjoy telling jokes or LMAO at other's jokes                 1  2  3  4  5
Others like to share jokes with me                                   1  2  3  4  5
I am optimistic                                                                 1  2  3  4  5

Ok, the test is over, so now add up your score and see how you did.

30 or below:   Amigo, I hate to have to break the news, but you have a bad case of terminal seriousness.   Your life may not be a long one, but it will sure seem that way.  Sad to say, your name rarely comes up on any invite list.   You have banished yourself to the 'no fun zone.

30-40:   You need to lighten up bucko and let your hair down (if you have any left).  There is some small hope for you though.   Perhaps if you insisted on buying the first round, others might overlook your sour puss.   Sorry, no invites to any of my parties until you shape up. 

40 or above:   Congratulations, you are either extremely happy or seriously deluded.  Either way, good on you.   Your invite to my next party is in the mail.  

That's it kids, class is over and recess starts now.   I expect you all passed with flying colors.   Don't forget to bring a nice present for the party host (that would be me). 

Pssst...if you liked this, why not hit the F button below and share it with your facebook friends. 

Thursday, September 23, 2010

10 Admissions

Here are some admissions I wish to make:

1)   I don't care if I fit in anymore, I'm happier being different
2)   You can't bore me into anything...so my message to the serious folks...give it up and quit trying
3)   I love being a writer, I just don't like the paperwork
4)   Thinking does not cause pernament brain damage
5)   Sometimes, it isn't that I can't see the solution, it's just that I don't care about your problem
6)   I want to live a simple life, sort of like a poor man, only with lots of money
7)   I might steal/borrow your idea, if I really like it
8)   If I really concentrated on what was important to me, I'd be on a tropical beach right now 
9)   Some days, I am like a bent coin in a vending machine...I just don't want to work
10) I don't take myself seriously, so why would you ever expect me to take you serious?

Ahhh I feel better already!   What about you, anything you want to get off of your chest?  

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Seducers Unfair Advantage

"a good surprise is the unexpected joy of being alive"

There is a sudden joy, that hits us when we are the recipients of a happy surprise.  That joy leaves us feeling, alive, vibrant and appreciated (if only for moments).  Seducers understand the power of surprise.  That so many don't, is good news for us.  After all, if everyone understood and utilized surprise, there would be little magic left in it.

"a life without surprises is called boredom"

It is at these too infrequent moments of surprise, that we rediscover our inner child.  Moments when we can once more feel the awe and wonder, that a child experiences daily.   So appreciative are we, that  it is hard to control the desire to reiprocate.   Mere gratitude seems insufficient.  And remember the goal of seduction is to entice life to give us what we desire.   This is pure gold.

"a pleasant surprise keeps us coming back in the hopes of another one"

It is interesting to understand what is going on in the brain's pleasure center when it is experiencing surprise.   Social scientists, with the aid of MRI's have measured the reaction when we experience surprise.   Then they measured the reaction when the same pleasure was not anticipated (surprise).   The reaction is significantly stronger when the pleasure was not anticipated.  This explains why gambling can be so addictive.  This is powerful stuff.

"a good seducer always has a good surprise up her sleeve"

The price of adulthood for most is boredom.   Life becomes predictable and routine.  We yearn for excitement and adventure.  This is why even a small surprise can have a big payback.  The most cherished memories are most often a result of surprise.  The effort someone made to pull off a surprise, makes us feel appreciated and loved.

It amazes me that business leaders and politicians haven't figured  out the benefits of surprising customers and constituients.  That friends so rarely make the effort to surprise each other is another head scratcher.   Even more fun is to surprise total strangers.  And this is why us seducers have an unfair advantage...SURPRISE!

"a good surprise can cost little in money and effort and yet be remembered for a long time"

Awhile back I printed out a card.  I keep several in my wallet at all times.   I give the card mostly to strangers (ok, usually women).  I give it show my appreciation for good service or just because someone made me smile.   It always comes as a surprise and trust me, the effect can be amazing.   Now because  I like you sooo much, I'm going to share it with you.   Please use it only for good...

When I said a good seducer always has a surprise up his sleeve, this is one of mine.   It's gotten me more hugs, free coffee, drinks and reactions than you can imagine.  Best of all, it has made a lot of people feel really good about themselves. 

"it has been said that a woman can live off of a good compliment for days.  What they didn't say is that a woman can live off of a good surprise for months"

Many folks have misunderstood surprise, they think for it to be effective it needs to be grand.   Not so.  Many small surprises are more effective than one grandiose display.   And surprise has a shelf life, so if you think your surprise is going to seduce indefinitely, you are going to be disappointed. Surprise is a game that is so much fun, it needs to be played over and over again!


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Seductive Words

“choose your words wisely, for they can make your life fun, easy and abundant or hard and difficult”

Words seduce and words repel. Some words are instantly seductive to others. Words like; love, peace, admire, adore, cherish, sincere and appreciate, are just a few of the words that have an immediate effect on others. Stringing words together can motive a country, such as…ask not what your country can do for you, or..I have a dream. Words to a life seducer are like paint to a painter, we can’t create or entice without them.

“the most seductive word to all of us is our name”

 Calling someone by their name means we recognize them as a valuable human being and not a servant. We love to hear our name, it validates us. It makes our communication personal. You will never be a life seducer if you don’t use a person’s name at every opportunity. Lucky for us, so many people wear name tags, sadly so many ignore the opportunity to make a waitress or clerk feel human.

I wish I were better at remembering names, but I can say I’m working on it. I understand just how important it is. I remember once, I was phoning an airline and could not get through, it took two days to make contact. By that time I was pretty annoyed. I let loose with a little tirade on the representative. Half way through it suddenly dawned on me that wasn’t going to accomplish anything. I stopped and asked for the ladies name, which she said was Jennifer and I insisted she call me by my first name. Jennifer, I said, I need to apologize, I was just incredibly frustrated and I realize it wasn’t your fault. You must be tired of hearing people like me blow steam at you, again sorry.” The phone went quiet and then she said….’yes I’ve been getting yelled at all morning, it hasn’t been any fun since our reservation system went down’. I said, ‘well if its any consolation Jennifer, it helps on this end of the line, that you have such a sweet voice‘. Jennifer had just been totally seduced, she gave me a $200 rebate and a seat upgrade for my inconvenience. In short order we were both laughing and joking about dumb people and dumb airlines, it was like we were in on an inside joke. But even more important than that, I got reinforced in my thick skull that….words matter a lot (especially names)!

“don’t let anyone call you Mr, Mrs, Miss, Madame or Sir”

There is a reason the police deal with people by calling them Mr or Mrs. They are trained not to get personal. If they allow the conversation to get personal, they would be more tempted to let you off of the speeding ticket. You don’t give friends tickets, so they keep as they say, a professional distance. You won’t seduce anyone who greets you formally. You need their first name and you need to give them yours. Make it personal as quick as you can.

“some words are especially seductive in that they make others want to be of assistance to us”

Help  That's a hard word for most to ignore.  Can you help me, makes the other person feel powerful and triggers a desire to exercise that power. 

Because  When you ask for something, just adding because followed by almost any kind of reason, has been proven to be highly effective.  Heck, it even works on kids.   To say, 'Johnny go clean your room' as every parent knows, goes in one ear out the other, faster than the speeed of light.  However, saying..Johnny please clean your room, because we have company coming, makes a surprising difference in the response you will get.   And those of you who are managers, this works wonders on employees.   You can thank me later....because it works!

"some people pay compliments, like it was coming straight out of their bank account"

Compliments are highly seductive to women, men and children (I guess that covers everyone).  It's hard to resist a flatterer when we want to belive what they are saying is true.   One small, well said compliment can turn a relationship back on course, soften a boss's cold heart and as I found out get you an upgrade on an airline.  The art of the compliment once mastered, is like a free pass to a seducer.   Practice it as often as the situation allows and most important of all....have fun!  

My favorite compliment is...God was just showing off when he made you.  I layed it on an elderly lady clerk the other day and she giggled like a school girl.  She would have given me everything in the store if she could have.   I got something better, a feeling that I had really made someone's day brighter.  As I said, they don't have to believe it, they just have to want to believe it.

"words are hollow without sincerity"
 Sincerity is the cement that strengthens  your words, so they can stand up to the ravages of a sceptical world. Warmth and eye contact mixed with the right words convey the sincerity that is so essential to a good seducer. Oh, and mix in the right body language and a master seducer you will be.
I love words. So this is a topic I could go on and on about. However, the mark of a good writer they say, is to know when to shut up, so I will.

Monday, September 13, 2010

The meek shall inherit the world

NOTE; No alcohol was consumed during the formation of this thesis

This all started from a conversation with my amiga Daisy (aka Nancy P). During a walk down the beaches of Mazatlan we were discussing my fascination with paradox's. Daisy pointed out that the bible also had many paradox's. So I decided to at least examine one of them. The first that came to mind was...

"and the meek shall inherit the earth"

This had me mentally tied up in knots, because let's face it, it makes no sense. How the heck could the meek ever hope to inherit anything, much less the earth? And for that matter, who was the meek, Jesus was referring to. There being no biblical scholars on the beach that day, I turned to another friend, Yoda (aka Eric W). This warranted one more beach stroll and much discussion, and then Yoda had an epiphany.

Yoda rationalized that men are the stronger sex and women are the weaker sex. Therefore they would qualify as a meeker race. Now since meek means humble and patient, and I know of no men who qualify for that, I was speechless. The more we discussed it, the more damn sense it seemed to make. Good grief men....

One day women will inherit the earth...YIKES!

But come to think of it, we men haven't done a very good job of running the planet so far. We've polluted the world in the name of progress (which is code for greed). We've raped, pillaged, abused and killed each other and nature. We have been extremely poor stewards and that's being overly kind.

Women are the only humans in training

Think about this; women are the only one's who receive training in how to be a good human. They have throughout history, been the one's who raised the children. They are the people who nuture and protect the defenceless. They teach harmony and mandate sharing. They tend to manage the family resources and ensure everyone is fed. Damn good training for running the planet!

Note to men!

I know what you are thinking? Bull crap, it will never happen. Well buddies, I would like to find agreement with you however....

It is already happening..

The first seminal change was when women got the right to vote. It started in one country but spread like a prairie wild fire and it continues today. Now contemplate this highly distressing factoid?

There are more women than men on the planet

And they live longer as well. Political power for women is only, one more vote than a man away. Some countries have already had female leaders. More are on their way. Need more evidence? A few weeks ago my son told me that 60% of the students in his law class were women. I checked and this ratio continues throughout universities in the land. And we know how lawyers lust for power and make the laws!

The quiet takeover has begun

Quietly women are assuming more positions of authority (read power) and it is progressively increasing. My opinion is, that it is already past the tipping point. It is inevitable....

"The meek are going to inherit the earth"

And the meek (women) have been trained to share, nuture, protect the weak, and create harmony. Oh sure, as Robin Williams once said...if women ruled the world, once every 28 days,  we would have a few days of intense negotiations, but then we would all get along like a happy little family. And if a few countries started fighting, I could see them being told to take a time out until they could come out and play nice. Probably get their trading priveliges suspended for a week or two as punishment.

So now you know the truth

I was going to ask you to keep this secret but upon reflection, it sounds pretty damn appealing. So I say bring it on girls! And while you are at it, you can take over my job as well and I'll stay home with the kids. (ok, my son is 25 and at university, but I'm sure I could think of something else to occupy my time, you know like a cold beer on a hot beach)

note;  this message will self destruct if any of my amigos find out about it!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Anthing is possible if you can have fun doing it

Admit it, you’ve tried hard and difficult and how’s that worked for you so far? Hmmm, just as I suspected, all the old ‘nose to the grindstone’ got you was a flat face and a disappointing life. Me too, until I discovered this paradox….

“Success and happiness are inversely proportional to anything that is hard and difficult”

The really good news is: If life hasn’t worked out the way you dreamed it might, it is probably because you just aren’t having enough fun. Isn’t that beautiful? Oh, don’t worry, I can hear those brain cells rattling around in your skull, whispering to you…this guy is nuts! Well, that may be true but the paradox is not. By the time you are finished this book, I am more than confident you will be a convert to the fun easy way to abundance and happiness. So let’s begin.

“Our minds play tricks on us all of the time, so let’s give it some of it’s own medicine”

When things are going poorly, we feel overwhelmed and this is when the mind starts playing its tricks on you. It starts telling you things like; you are not smart enough or you just aren’t working hard enough. That’s stupid, because we both know you are a genius and hard work has nothing to do with success or happiness. (maybe you don’t know that yet, but stay tuned).

“Let the games begin”

One of my ‘aha moments’ came when I realized how much effort I will put into games. After a game of squash, I will come off the court drenched with sweat and on a high. I thought to myself, wow, it’s amazing how hard I will play. I get incredible fitness out of a game and I love it. Now, if you put me in an aerobics class or on a stationary bike, I doubt I could keep at it for very long. I just don’t have that kind of willpower (nor do I want to). But, make it a game and I will expend incredible effort. So being the bright and lazy guy that I am, I reasoned that if everything was a game or just plain fun, then logically anything would be possible.

“This is so profoundly simple, that it just makes me laugh”

Work is really good for those who want to make a modest living. So if that’s all you want, go to work and forget about this book. Now for those who want to do something exceptional, you need to have fun more often. Fun at work, fun at home, fun in your relationships and even fun in your spiritual life. And remember friends what the bumper sticker says…

“If work was that good for you, they wouldn’t have to pay you to do it”

Just because I say so, doesn’t mean it’s true! You’ve been habituated to the mantra… life is hard and difficult and then you die. So I expect to have a challenge proving to you that it isn’t so. But a challenge is nothing more than a game to me and I really like to play. So let the fun begin…

“Life must be lived as play” (Socrates)

I may be a nut but I’m not the only one! And it isn’t just Socrates that shares my point of view. Here’s what another great philosopher Hercalitus had to say….Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play. Yeah, it’s true, those guys were around a couple of thousand years ago, but the billionaire Richard Branson says…We won’t take on any venture unless we can have fun doing it. So if it’s good enough for philosopher’s and billionaire’s, it’s good enough for me.

“You can only be profoundly absorbed in doing what you love

And that’s going to be demonstrated to you in this book. I love my philosophy on life that….life was meant to be fun, easy and abundant. So I’m going to have a blast convincing you with the kind of book you’ve never encountered before.
“You’ll never be that good at seducing life until you master the art of fun”

Fun is not a trivial matter, it is the most important thing in the universe. Later you’ll learn that energy flows to fun and fun is the path of least resistance. Once you understand the power of fun, you will realize it’s like when you were in elementary school. Only the recess goes all day long with 15 minute work breaks twice a day.

“This won’t hurt a bit”

In keeping with my philosophy that things are better if you can have fun doing it, I promise a fun read but with a HUGE return on insights. Then perhaps one day you will become a fun guru like me and together we can start a new movement and make the world a better and happier place.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

How Seducers Build Trust

“warriors and seducers understand the importance of trust. They just go about it differently.”

Warriors understand the time honoured practices such as; honour, truth and keeping your word, as well as your promises. Over time their efforts pay off and they gain the trust of others. This method works fine but as I said…it takes time (sometimes a heck of a lot of time).

“seducers are always looking for the path of least resistance”

Since seducers believe that there is always more than one answer, they are attuned to all possibilities. It is great fun for them to look beyond the obvious. They learn things that warriors don’t take time for, and that makes the process fun, easy and much quicker.   The great lesson for seducers is...

“trust doesn’t always have to be earned”

Sometimes trust is given freely just because we like someone. Studies have proven that we are always quicker to trust those we like. And likeability is a learned behaviour. To a seducer, it is just as important to be likeable as it is to be honourable and truthful.

“if you don’t trust and believe that life is on your side, it becomes hard and difficult”

It’s easy to be optimistic if you think that life is on your side. It’s that knowing, that somehow things will work out. And let’s get real here…we don’t trust negative people! We do tend to trust the optimistic soul that displays confidence in a good outcome for us. 

“passion is seductive”

The one quality essential for leadership is passion. It’s damn tough to give your trust to someone who is complacent. Throughout the ages, passionate leaders have swayed the public and gained their trust, whether they deserved it or not. If you are looking for a shortcut to trust, passion is it.

“seducers know that a spotlight shared or given away, will always find it‘s way back to the giver”

Warriors love the spotlight and see it as one of the rewards for their hard work. Seducers also love the spotlight, but understand the value of sharing or putting that spotlight on someone else. Singing someone else’s praises, especially to a third party is a real trust builder. How can you not trust someone who tells your boss or a friend about how valuable you are? If they tell you the same directly, it’s not near as effective. You may just think, they are making it up to gain something from you.

“trust given is trust returned”

When someone puts trust in us, it is near impossible to not trust them in return. Having someone believe in our potential or skills, creates a bond where trust is easy and natural. Being open and transparent with us, means that it’s ok to trust the other person. This is what reciprocity is all about.

“and the best I saved for the last”

The skill that breaks down resistance faster than the speed of light is humour. No sooner do we share a laugh then the walls of mistrust disappear. As an old sales manger once said to me…make ‘em laugh and their wallets will open. He could have said their hearts too, and he would have been right. Humour is so seductive that it needs it’s own chapter….

Friday, September 3, 2010

God doesn't do ugly

“it is essential in the seduction of life to come to the realization that God doesn’t do ugly”

Take a moment now and ask yourself this question; what has your God created that is ugly?

“a weed is no more than a flower in disguise” (James Russell)

If we examine nature, we frequently use terms such as; inspiring, majestic, awesome and breathtaking. Have you ever stood looking out at the bountiful ocean or a snow capped mountain and thought to yourself; man this is ugly? Even when you look up at the skies and see a threatening storm, you can still find the beauty, if you look for it. And have you been witness to the northern lights…well, you get the picture.

“look deep into nature and then you will understand everything better” (Albert Einstein)

No, only man can create ugly. We can destroy what is naturally beautiful and do it with ease. We have the ability to rip up the wilderness, pollute the skies and water. We create ugly and not the universe.

“put a child in nature at play, and I challenge you to find even one iota of ugly, it’s impossible”

We also create another kind of ugly…people! It is through our eyes and minds that we create images of ugly people. If you believe in God, do you think that he would create an ugly child? Of course not, that would be our interpretation of his creation. It is our perceptions and words that do so much damage.

“we look for evidence of miracles, forgetting that the universe, puts them on display every single day” (unknown)

Only by loving life can life love us back. You can not hope to be loved back by our intended if you don’t show love first. When comes to us humans, real beauty comes from within. It doesn’t come from make up and jewelry. It is the twinkle in the eye and light within. To seduce you must see the beauty of the intended, whether it be humans or nature.

“everything is not as it seems, it is much more beautiful”

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The #1 Seduction Skill

“it’s not who you know, it’s who you know that likes you”
Odds are you are going to be a flop in the game of life, if you don’t master this skill! If you want to have any hope in seducing life, this it. The good thing is that you can master it (if you haven’t already). Yes, of course I am talking about likeability.
“if you weren’t born beautiful and talented, life will still be kind to you, if you are highly likeable”

Being likeable having an unfair advantage over others. The likeable, tend to get the best jobs, have more friends and better relationships. And this doesn’t even scratch the surface of the benefits.

“ can you think of anyone who was ever seduced by an un-likeable person”

You might be convinced through logic and persuasion to do someone’s bidding but never will you be seduced if you don’t find them at likeable. Let me give you an example of the importance of being likeable. Awhile back, I read of a study that was done to determine the likeability of the U.S. Presidents. In every case since the advent of television, the candidate who was deemed by the public to be the most likeable person (by the public) won each election. How is that for powerful…

“it isn’t the choices we make about other people that makes life fun, easy and abundant, it’s the choices they make about us”

Need more convincing? Here are some more benefits that the likeable people get:

*Doctors give better care and more time to the patients they like (which of course means they live longer and experience less pain)

*They inspire others to give more

*They are viewed as being more trustworthy (a pretty good skill to have if you want to sell something)

* Likeable students get more attention and better grades

* We forgive them quicker for any misdeeds (I could use that one)

* They get better service and better deals from businesses.

“you don’t have to be likeable to succeed anymore than you have to be smart, but unless you have something against having an advantage, it sure helps”

There will always be the foolish few, who actually prefer to go it alone. Their attitude is…I don’t need other people to make it. I admire a person with principles but that is a dumb one. If others want to help me and make my life easier and more fun, I say welcome aboard friend.

“likeable people are happier than others, a coincidence…I think not”

Now that we have established that the most important skill in the seduction of life, is to likeable, the obvious question is how? I’ve done a ton of researching and applied my limited brain power to provide you with some answers. And that’s a whole lot of what this book is about.

So keep reading and I’ll share some fresh insights. I might even go into more depth than the ever popular method of ….buying the first round.