Thursday, October 25, 2012

Anything is possible if you can have fun doing it

“Success and happiness are inversely proportional to anything that is hard and difficult”
The really good news is: If life hasnt worked out the way you dreamed, it might be because you just arent having enough fun. Isnt that beautiful? Oh, dont worry, I can hear that annoying voice in your skull whispering to you…this guy is nuts! Well, that may be true but the paradox is not. By the time you are finished this book I am more than confident you will be a convert to the fun easy way to abundance and happiness. So lets begin.

“Our mind plays tricks on us all of the time so it’s time to give it some of its own medicine"
When things are going poorly, we feel overwhelmed and this is when the mind starts playing its tricks on us. It starts telling us things like: you are not smart enough or you just arent working hard enough. Thats stupid because we both know you are a genius and hard work has nothing to do with success or happiness. (maybe you dont know that yet but stay tuned).

One of my aha moments came when I realized how much effort I will put into sports. After a game of squash, I would come off the court drenched with sweat, physically drained and yet on a high. I thought to myself, wow its amazing how hard I just played. I get incredible fitness out of the game and I love it. Now, if you put me in an aerobics class or on a stationary bike, I know I would not keep at it anywhere long enough to get the same benefit. I just dont have that kind of willpower (nor do I want to). But make it a game and I will expend incredible effort. So being the bright and lazy guy that I am I reasoned that if everything was a game or just plain fun, then logically anything would be easier and thus possible.

Work is really good for those who want to make a modest living. So if thats all you want go to work and forget about this book. Now for those who want to do something exceptional you need to have more fun. Fun at work, fun at home, fun in your relationships and even fun in your spiritual life. Remember the wisdom of the bumper sticker that says…

“If work was that good for you they wouldn’t have to pay you to do it"

While writing this chapter I got to thinking about the great inventions of mankind. It occurred to me that many inventions came about because someone was trying to make work easier or attempting to avoid it. So I guess you could say the lazy guy has great potential to change the world.

Then there are people like Steve Jobs and his buddy Woz who were so busy playing with computers in his dads garage that they ended up creating Apple computers and becoming billionaires. And how about that guy Zuckerman, he was just trying to score with the college girls when he invented Facebook. These guys played their way to fantastic success.

When its something you have to do for a wage its work. When its something you love to do its play. And getting paid to play is about the sweetest concept man has ever invented. One requires work and the other effort. Same thing only different (in a really good way).

Just because I say so doesnt mean its true! Youve probably been habituated to the mantra… life is hard and difficult and then you die. I expect to have a challenge proving to you that you can live life like play. But a challenge is nothing more than a game and I really like to play. So let the fun begin…

“Life must be lived as play”  (Socrates)

I may be a nut but Im not the only one! And it isnt just Socrates that shares my point of view. Heres what another great philosopher Heraclitus had to say….“Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play.” Yeah, its true, those guys were hanging around this planet a couple of thousand years ago, but the billionaire Richard Branson says…“We wont take on any venture unless we can have fun doing it.” So if its good enough for philosophers and billionaires its good enough for me. 
“You can only be profoundly absorbed in doing what you love”

Thats going to be demonstrated to you in this book. I love my philosophy that….life was meant to be fun, easy and abundant. So Im going to have a blast convincing you with the kind of book youve never encountered before. You see I learned awhile back that you cant bore anyone into wanting to learn. And if I had to write the typical boring philosophy book it would never have gotten done. I wanted to have fun writing it and guess what? I did.

"You will never be good at seducing life until you master the art of fun”
Fun is not a trivial matter it is the most important thing in the universe. Later youll learn that energy flows to fun and fun is the path of least resistance. Once you understand the power of fun you will realize its a lot like when you were in elementary school. The difference here is recess goes all day long with 15 minute work breaks.   

“This won’t hurt a bit"

In keeping with my philosophy that things are better if you can have fun doing it I promise a fun easy read but with a HUGE return on insights. Then perhaps one day you will become a goofy guru like me and together we can start a new movement and make the world a better and happier place.

Pssst…I will confess, there is no denying that hard work has gotten lots of warrior types great success and wealth. My point is that hard work is just a one way path and it sure as heck isnt the fun one. 


Friday, October 19, 2012

Chapter 1 How to Seduce Life....Confessions of a Seducer

I’m a seducer not a fighter!

One of the most persistent metaphors for success is that of a warrior. It sure sounds noble to charge out there and conquer life. To overcome every obstacle and defeat any foe. To never back down from a fight, and through sheer will power to impose your intentions on the world. The problem is that for me it just doesnt work, as it doesnt for millions of others. For we are the lovers not the fighters. So what are we supposed to do?

“it is far easier and a lot more fun to seduce life than to try and conquer it”

As epiphanies go that was one of my favourites….to seduce life. Im a big fan of seduction. The whole idea excites me. To seduce life is to entice life to give you back what you want freely and lovingly. It requires a whole new skill set, but it sure sounds like fun doesnt it? Admit it, wouldnt it be great to have success and happiness given to you instead of having to take it or conquer it? Now that I think about it….thats a seductive thought!
“nothing is good, bad or funny, but thinking makes it so”

Before all of you warriors come looking to impose your will on me for a perceived attack on your philosophy let it be known Im okay with you guys. I really dont care how you conduct your affairs. Its just not for me and my tribe. While you are out conquering your worlds, we seducers will be out seducing ours. 
“warriors compete and seducers create”

To a warrior life is a competition that they must win. To a seducer life is a game to be enjoyed and savoured win or lose. To a warrior happiness is delayed and then celebrated with the final victory. To a seducer happiness is in the process, its the game silly! Sure there is an extra boost of happiness in the winning, but it would be a hollow victory if the game was not enjoyable. What would be the point?
“what would it benefit a man if he conquered the world but didn’t have any fun doing it?”

Seducers dont see any benefit in delayed happiness. As I said earlier, delaying everyday happiness until the goal is achieved is pretty much like delaying sex until you are old. Life is too important to be taken seriously by us. Warriors as everyone knows are very serious on the path to victory, seducers not so much. In fact seriousness is terminal to us. If you see us being serious its probably just a game we are playing to mess with you. (big secret….we love messing with warriors heads).

“life is the only game where we get to make up own rules and yet so few do”

The reason so many people aspire to be warriors is because that is what they were taught by parents, teachers and self-help gurus. It is one way to win but its not the only one. In this book I will attempt to show you a better way to play the game of life. Its a lot more fun, easier, plus the results can be even better than the warrior game. The really great seducers understand the importance of playing the game under their own rules. They are constantly searching for ways to amp up the fun. Seducers love surprise and unpredictability because they are as flexible as a breeze.  

“you deserve a life of pleasant surprises and gifts, and that is what I promise to share in this book”

Like most of us you were probably taught that life is hard and difficult and then you die. Perhaps its time for a change of pace, time you joined us seducers who believe that life was meant to be fun, easy and overflowing with abundance.
You choose….

Monday, October 15, 2012

You can create a miracle today. I guarantee it!

Some folks don't believe in miracles but I can prove them wrong and its sooo easy to do!  And wait it gets even can create a miracle today.   Let me give you a little example to demonstrate the truth of what I just told you.

"The thing about miracles is that they are easy as pie to create for others"   
A few days ago I was in the grocery store picking up a few supplies.   Behind me in the line was a very scruffy looking older guy in a power scooter.    If every there was a down on his luck looking fellow it was him.   He looked like he hadn't seen a shower in weeks and his clothing was even worse.   I didn't know his story but obviously it was a tough one.
As the teller was ringing through my order I could hear him talking to himself.   He was counting his money or should I say change (no bills) trying to figure out if he had enough to pay for his food.    A quick glance and I could see that he couldn't of had ten bucks worth of food.  
When I paid for my stuff I handed the clerk an extra $20 and told her to pay for his order and then give him the change.   She looked at me like I'd lost my marbles and said...why?   I said because I can and because I want to.   I then left.   He hadn't heard the conversation and was shocked when he went to pay.   As I left the store I glanced back and I could see he was crying and smiling at the same time.     Miracle created!
"The smallest of efforts from us can create miracles for others"
My take aways is..miracles are easy to create for others and maybe  if you believe in karma when you create enough miracles for others one will come your way.
A few years ago I wrote this little poem....enjoy!
(click on picture to enlarge)

So who are you going to create a miracle for?

Friday, October 12, 2012

The amazing power of a good hug


"Fear is laughable in the embrace of a great hug"

I had to chuckle when I read a study that showed that fear disapates when we are hugged. I mean really, didn't we already know that. Every parent learns instintively that a scared child can be calmed down with a good loving hug. And yet I do keep learning more about the power of a hug all the time. Let me tell you a little story....

I was the MC at a friends wedding. During the wedding ceremony I could not help but notice that the Maid of Honor looked distressed. After the ceremony was over I took her aside and asked if everything was ok? She told me she was freaked out about giving the toast to the bride. She really surprised me since she isn't the bashful type. But she told me that just thinking about standing up and having all eyes on her was making her sick.

She showed me pages and pages of notes. I think I'd be nervous if I had to read from all of those papers? Then I got an idea! I told her to put away the papers and just speak from the heart about her best friend. I also assurred her that I make her so relaxed she would enjoy her moment.

It was time to introduce the head table. When I got to her, here is how I introduced her....'and this is my friend Marilyn who is also the brides best friend. Marilyn is one the sweetest and kindest people I know and a world class hugger. And if any you people doubt me...just go check her out yourself!'

A handsome young man leaped to his feet and shouted out, "I'll check her out". The crowd roared as he went up and gave her a long enthusiastic hug. Marilyn was laughing along with the crowd. Then 3 more young men took up the challenge. The room was rocking with laughter and just when it started to subside the preacher stood up said he wanted to check her out as well. Not this was getting hillarious. I've never seen Marilyn laughs so hard and she is a girl who loves to laugh.

Immediately after the preacher had his hug I asked her to give her toast to the bride. She gave a beautiful loving toast and did it with good humor and grace. It was perfect!

Hugging releases the cuddle homone oxytocin into your brain. The beautiful thing about oxytocin is that it reaches the brain almost instantaniously. Oxytocin has a dampening effect on fear.

So if you are ever nervous about public speaking just get some good hugs first. It works amazingly well. Toastmaster should promote my idea and it would speed up helping people get over their fears of public speaking. And of course its fun and just plain feels good.

BONUS TIP......some people get cold clamy hands when they are about to stand up in front of crowd. Here is my solution to that, get a hot drink (coffee or tea) and cup it in your hands before you get up. The warmth will also help to calm you.


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Using seductive words to persuade

“choose your words wisely for they can make your life fun, easy and abundant or hard and difficult”

Words seduce and words repel. Some words are instantly seductive to others. Words like; love, peace, admire, adore, cherish, sincere and appreciate, are just a few of the words that have an immediate effect on others. Stringing words together can motive a country, such as…ask not what your country can do for you, or..I have a dream. Words to a life seducer are like paint to a painter, we can’t create or entice without them.

“the most seductive word to all of us is our name”

Calling someone by their name means we recognize them as a valuable human being and not a servant. We love to hear our name, it validates us. It makes our communication personal. You will never be a life seducer if you don’t use a person’s name at every opportunity. Lucky for us, so many people wear name tags, sadly so many ignore the opportunity to make a waitress or clerk feel human.

I wish I were better at remembering names, but I can say I’m working on it. I understand just how important it is. I remember once, I was phoning an airline and could not get through. It took two days to make contact. By that time I was pretty annoyed. I let loose with a little tirade on the representative. Half way through it suddenly dawned on me that wasn’t going to accomplish anything.

I stopped and asked for the ladies name which she said was Jennifer and I insisted she call me by my first name. 'Jennifer' I said, 'I need to apologize I was just incredibly frustrated and I realize it wasn’t your fault. You must be tired of hearing people like me blow steam at you, again sorry.' The phone went quiet and then she said….’yes I’ve been getting yelled at all morning and it hasn’t been any fun since our reservation system went down’. I said, ‘well if its any consolation Jennifer, it helps on this end of the line, that you have such a sweet voice‘. Jennifer had just been totally seduced, she gave me a $200 rebate and a seat upgrade for my inconvenience. In short order we were both laughing and joking about dumb people and dumb airlines, it was like we were in on an inside joke. But even more important than that, I got reinforced in my thick skull that….words matter a lot (especially names)!

“don’t let anyone call you Mr, Mrs, Miss, Madame or Sir”

There is a reason the police deal with people by calling them Mr or Mrs. They are trained not to get personal. If they allow the conversation to get personal they would be more tempted to let you off of the speeding ticket. You don’t give friends tickets so they keep as they say, a professional distance. You won’t seduce anyone who greets you formally. You need their first name and you need to give them yours. Make it personal as quick as you can.

TIP..... end all communications with their first name to make it more personal and memorable.   E.g.    Instead of saying....Mary it was great talking to you...say,   It was great talking to you, lets do this again Mary!    You will be surprised at how effective it is in helping you to be more persuasive. 

“some words are especially seductive in that they make others want to be of assistance to us”

Help That's a hard word for most to ignore. Can you help me makes the other person feel powerful and triggers a desire to exercise that power. Here is a powerful way to ask for help; I don't know whether you have the power or authority but I could sure use some help....then give your request. You would be amazed at how many times people will bend over backwards to fill your request!

Pssst....can you help me spread the word by hitting the f button below the article.   It will then automatically get posted on your facebook page for your friends to see.  Thanks for your help friend!

Because When you ask for something just adding the word because followed by almost any kind of reason has proven to be highly effective. Heck, it even works on kids. To say, 'Johnny go clean your room' as every parent knows, goes in one ear out the other faster than the speeed of light. However, saying..'Johnny please clean your room because we have company coming', makes a surprising difference in the response you will get. And for those of you who are managers this works wonders on employees. You can thank me later....because it works!

"some people pay compliments like it was coming straight out of their bank account"

Compliments are highly seductive to women, men and children (I guess that covers everyone). It's hard to resist a flatterer when we want to belive what they are saying is true. One small well said compliment can turn a relationship back on course, soften a boss's cold heart and as I found out get you an upgrade on an airline. The art of the compliment once mastered is like a free pass to a seducer. Practice it as often as the situation allows and most important of all....have fun!

My favorite compliment is...God was just showing off when he made you. I layed it on an elderly lady clerk the other day and she giggled like a school girl. She would have given me everything in the store if she could have. I got something better, a feeling that I had really made someone's day brighter. As I said, they don't have to believe it they just have to want to believe it.

"words are hollow without sincerity"

Sincerity is the cement that strengthens your words so they can stand up to the ravages of a sceptical world. Warmth and eye contact mixed with the right words convey the sincerity that is so essential to a good seducer. Oh, and mix in the right body language and a master seducer you will be. I love words. So this is a topic I could go on and on about. However, the mark of a good writer they say is to know when to shut up so I will.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Lighten up and load up on profits

"Rock a bye lady
you just paid more
so happy and relaxed
inside of my store"

Ok, I'll admit to being a pretty crappy song writer but be careful about your purchases when you are as my little ditty says...happy and relaxed. The reason is that when you feel that way you will pay more for a product or service.

When researchers tested very relaxed participants as to what they would pay for a product or service they found that those who were relaxed over-valued items by on average 15%. This was compared to participants in the study who felt equally pleasant but not as relaxed.

Here's a relaxed environment the brain does not perceive a threat. This alows for thinking more about the positive benefits of a product or service. It's then easy to think at an abstract level about how the product or service might be used to your advantage.

A less relaxed person is more likely to focus on the features and measure them against the price. Thus they are more critical in their purchase decision. They are on guard against what they might deem as any sales pressure. The relaxed person because they feel no threat are open to suggestions.

So Guru how do I take this to an even higher level in my business?

Glad you asked grasshopper. First, let me ask you a question. When are you most relaxed? If you said, when I am laughing you win the big prize. The big prize is more sales, better persuasion and more success. Pretty good prize huh?

Now you know that if you can make them laugh the door to endless opportunities is wide open. Boring kills sales. Laughter is directly proportional to success. And this my friends is your big advantage because while others are trying to win over customers with professionalism, superior product or lower price you will be laughing all the way to easy street.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Do you know the magical numbers and why they are magical?

The magical number for business success is 3.   
Research has shown that a work place will be most productive if employees receive at least 3 positive comments or impressions for every negative one.  Ok, the actual ratio is 2.9 to 1 but lets not get too picky.   This is called the 'Losada Ratio'.
Once it falls below that magical ratio discontent sets in and people start planning their escape or they simply stop putting in a full effort.   Above that ratio and people flourish.  Sounds simple right?   And guess what?   It is just that simple.
This simple ratio meets my criteria, easy and abundant!   Start looking for ways to give compliments and positive feedback and you will be richly rewarded.   And this isn't just all positivity stuff because it still allows the manager/owner to be real.   Let's face it sometimes something negative needs to be said.   Just remember the ratio   of 3 to 1.  It's pure gold!
The magical number for relationships is 5.
To maintain a strong and loving relationship the ratio changes to 5 to 1 positive feedbacks to negative ones.    Yeah, we could have guessed it?    It takes more positivity to maintain a relationship than a business.   Oh well, it's worth it!
The research this is based on was done by John Gottman and has been tested extensively.    In fact the guy can predict within minutes which relationships will last and which are headed for the divorce courts.   How does he do it?   Simple he give couples contentious topics like money problems or sex problems and then counts the ration of positive to negative comments and body language.   For instance when one partner sighs or looks skyward when the other talks that is a negative impression. 
So could the secret to successful relationships be that simple?  Yes!   It does mean however that you both need to be vigilent to seek out opportunities to say something nice.   Here are a few suggestions:
* express your gratitude for everything the other person does for you
* say thank you
* comment on things you normally take for granted
* make it a habit to notice changes in your spouse (new dress, hair cut etc)
* remember and express the reasons you originally fell in love
Or even simpler....cut out the negative comments where possible.   Before you make that less than desireable comment ask it really necessary to say it!
CAUTION.....don't go overboard with the positivity thing or it will become meaningless and unreal.   Life is sometimes a little messy and we all have our ups and downs. 
P>S>   I wish someone would have told me this 30 years ago!