HELP....

This is my blog but no one is home!

I have started a new blog that you can view here...

http://powerfullypersuasive.blogspot.ca

Please stop by and check it out!   Thanks

9 traits of highly persuasive people. How many do you have?

1.  Constantly curious

In order to be highly persuasive you need to know everything possible about the person you are trying to persuade.  The two things most all people like to talk about are themselves and the things they like.  When you encourage others to talk about themselves they like you more.   And the more they like you the more they are likely to really listen when you do speak.    So ask a ton of questions and then be a...

2.  Great listener

The best sales people are not the fast talkers, they are the best listeners.   A rough guide line is to never talk more than 40% of the time.   Those who talk too much are not believed and make others suspicious of your intentions.

Learn to listen with your eyes.   Yeah sounds goofy but it really works and here is why?    When you watch intently you will begin to notice emotions that don't line up with their words. Paying attention to body language can give you valuable clues as what they are thinking.

The direction a person's feet are pointing will tell you where their head is.  If the feet are pointing away from you take that as a sign that they want to get away from you.   Crossed arms and leaning away from you may indicate they are not buying what you are saying.

3.  Generous

We all are pretty good at deciding who is a giver and who is a taker.    We like givers.   Giving also triggers reciprocity meaning they will feel a strong urge to give back and frequently give you more than you gave them.

A man gives a woman a sincere well thought out compliment and then asks her out on a date.   What do you think his chances of getting the date are?   Research says he has a 37% better chance of getting that date.   And guess what?   This principal can also help you make a sale.   Some people give out compliments like they were coming out their bank account.   Don't be that person.

Gift giving can cost a lot or nothing at all but the benefits can be great.   I have written extensively about the 'Rules of Reciprocity'.   It is powerful stuff.

4.  Storytellers

The most persuasive people don't have canned pitches they have great stories.   Stories are an amazing way to get past a persons resistance.   Tell a story about someone just like them had their problem and how you were able to solve it and chances are they will buy it.  

5.  Light hearted 

Those who are too serious suck the energy out of us.   Serious can only be effective in time of emergency or in small doses.   We prefer to be around light hearted people.   And it is much easier to get a person who is laughing to say yes than by laying too much serious on them.  

Serious people prefer the status quo.    People in light hearted mood are much more likely to try something new.  Job #1 is to start any interaction with a warm positive energy.

6.  Share the spotlight

Great persuaders are only to happy to share the spotlight and at times simply  deflect the spotlight on others.
They are the 'Public Praisers'.    They will seize every opportunity to praise others publically.   And how can you not  like someone who tells others how wonderful and talented you are?

7.   Comfort seekers

Not theirs....yours!   Great persuaders seek to make you comfortable.   They dress to make you comfortable.   They arrange to put you in situations that make you comfortable.   It's not about them, it's all about you.   Make a person comfortable and their resistance to you and your ideas dissolves.

8.  Clarify and simplify

Great persuaders know that too much information is a deal killer.   Too many choices mean no decision.  Complicated jargon is not believable.   It makes you sound salsey.   The more simple the persuasion the better the chance that it will be accepted.  

Do you remember this line from the OJ Simpson trial....if the glove doesn't fit you must acquit.   That simple line won the day.    Simplify.

9.  Admit you don't know

When you admit that you don't know something or that you were wrong, what happens?   Your credibility goes sky high.   It gets interpreted as a sign that you are honest and to be trusted.   Most people won't do that and then again.....most people aren't great persuaders!


HELP.......I would love to know if you have any thoughts on other top traits for highly persuasive people?
Let me know in the comments below....thanks much appreciated!

Is this trait the shortcut to success?

"All things being equal we will always choose to do business with those we like.   All things NOT being equal, we will still choose to do business with those we like"

Guess who are the most trusted people in the world according to a U.S. study?    For men it is Tom Hanks and for women it is Sandra Bullock.  Huh?   I thought they would say someone like the Dali Lama  or Jane Goodall.  Nope.   They chose two movie stars and the question is why?   The answer is because they are (or at least their movie personas)  so darn likeable.   Think about that?   Likeability equals trust! 

Now you can see why I  say likeability is the best short cut to success.   If they like you, they are inclined to trust you.   If they trust you they are more likely to buy what you are selling or grant you favors.  Both your business and personal life gets easier if you are liked.   So what makes people likeable?   

 Here are 12 traits of highly likeable people"

1.  We are attracted to healthy and attractive people.    All through their lives healthy and attractive people get preferential treatment.   This is even more so when it comes to women.   So if you are not blessed with good looks what can you do?   Read on...

2.  They mile and laugh a ton.   Laughter is contagious and smiles are reciprocated. You would have to work hard not to like someone who smiles and laughs a lot.   The best humor is self deprecating.   Making fun of others is a turn off. 

3.  They project a warm, energetic and strong personality.   This makes them appear confident.

4.  They listen more than they talk.   They ask lots of questions about you and your interests.  People LOVE to talk about themselves and the things they are passionate about.   

4.  They are 'public praisers'.   They are the first to sing someones praises in front of others. Imagine you are in a group and someone tells the others about how great you are?   Yeah, that feels really good.

5.  They don't hand out compliments like its coming out of the bank accounts.   The give sincere compliments.   And yes flattery feels good as long as the recipient can convince himself he deserves it.

6.  They make lots of eye contact.   

7.  They ask us for advice.   It makes us feel good to asked for advice or our opinion.   It makes us feel good to know that you value what we have to say. 

8.  They are honest, reliable and trustworthy.  We know we can count on them.

9.  They are like us in many ways.   So we are comfortable with them.   So you should 'seek the similarities' between the other person and yourself.   The more you find the more comfortable they will be with you.

10.  For instant likeability, when you meet someone greet them like a friend!   This has an amazing effect on people.    Treat them like a friend and at a subconsious level they will feel like you are a friend.  

BONUS.....be kind and generous to everyone you meet because others are watching and will take notice.  Great and lasting impressions are made on those who watch someone in the act of kindness.

Think like a friend to sell like a superstar!

"To gain influence over others make them feel that you are more interested in them as a person than as a customer."

Before you can persuade anyone to buy your product or service you must first get past their resistance.   If you try to close a sale before you've gained some trust, respect or likeability you will likely fail.   The natural tendency is to say no to any proposal that isn't the status quo.    No one wants to be sold anything. However we do like to buy, especially if it is from someone we like, trust or respect.

"Your first objective is not to make the sale it is to start a relationship."

 Here are  7 ways to make them feel like you are their friend...

1.  Use their first name often.   Start and end every conversation with their first name.   People love to hear their name.   It is highly personal.   If they hear it being said often enough it will start to feel like you are a friend.   Also start and end with their first name if you are emailing or texting them. This is a very powerful tip that I hope you don't discount.   That's why I made it the first tip!

2.  Always be looking for something to like about the person.  If you start liking them they will start liking you.

3.  Seek the similarities.   It's the things that we have in common with others that is the basis of how most friendships are started.   It was my love of boating and being on the water that led me to great friendships with others who shared my passion.    We all tend to like people who share our interests and passions.

4.  Show interest in what they like.    People love to talk about two things;  themselves and the things they love.    So ask lots of questions about them and their interests.

5. Friends give friends small gifts.    So show up with a small gift and watch their resistance melt away.   It can be as small a gift as a cup of coffee.  Just remember that gifts with your company name on it are considered advertising and do not create gratitude or reciprocity.  Don't do that.

6. Greet them and say good bye like you would to a good friend.   Big smile and an energetic warm greeting or good bye.   Act a little excited to see them and they will be receptive to meet you.

7.  Make a commitment to developing a friendship.    One meeting just won't do it.   You are not going to gain trust with just one meeting.   Familiarity breeds likeability.  Likeability leads to friendship and friendship begets trust.  Trust leads to lots of business and that leads to becoming a superstar!

BONUS...pretending that the person you are about to meet for the first time is a friend causes you to relax and make a much better first impression.    Same goes when I am giving a presentation to a group.   I pretend in my head that they are my friends and a lot of the nervousness goes away.  Try it!

Does asking for a favor make others want to do more for you?

"One of the most effective ways to influence others is to ask for advice or assistance"

Imagine that you are new to a position and you want to persuade a client to give you some business?    She knows that you are inexperienced and your knowledge of her business and of the industry is extremely limited.  What chance would you have of making a sale?   The odds would be pretty low, right?

However, what if you were to say something like this.....'I confess that my knowledge of your business needs is very limited.  And I was wondering if you could give me some advice?   What would I have to do to earn the privilege of doing business with you?    Odds are over-whelmingly strong that she would give you some very valuable advice. 

Why?

*  because we programmed to want to help when asked
*  because it is empowering to be asked for help
*  because it is totally non threatening so the client loses her resistance to you

A little story...

Ben Franklin had a political opponent that fought him on every turn.   The man was a pain in the butt to Ben.  A strong dislike was growing between them.    Ben decided to try and turn things around.

Here is what Ben did....

Ben knew the man had a wonderful library of valuable books.   Ben asked the man if he would consider lending him one of his books that Ben was most interested in reading.   He was at first shocked that an advisary would ask for a favor.   He considered Ben's request and relented and loaned the book to Ben.

Then what happened...

Ben read the book and offered gracious thanks for the favor.  Ben noticed the man softened to him and became even friendly.  So what did Ben do?   He asked him for assistance in developing a bill for Congress   He agreed.   They became friends!

Asking for advice or a small favor causes others to be more receptive to us.

Asking for advice is significantly more persuasive than using pressure tactics.   It doesn't build pressure or leave a sour taste. Also, they will tell you how they like to be sold....isn't that beautiful?   And here is an unexpected bonus for asking for advice....

When we ask for advice we are perceived as being more intelligent!   After all, you are showing some wisdom by choosing to ask me for advice"

This is how even an inexperienced person can level the persuasion table.

Pssst.....can I ask you for a small favor?   Would you be so kind as to hit the f button below and share this with your facebook friends?   Because it would make me so happy....thanks!

What is your dramatic difference? Should you have one?

"Sameness is boring, has no appeal and leads to mediocrity"

In business and in life it easy to fit in and be like everyone else.   But where will that get you?  At best you can be average and how much fun is that.    

What if....your company was dramatically different (in a positive way) than the competition?   Now that would be a huge advantage.

What if....you were dramatically different than your peers and competitors?   Then  guess who would; get the job, make the sale or get the promotion?   

What if....your product or service was dramatically different than the competition?   That is the mark of high growth companies, they are dramatically different than the competition.   Think Apple, Google and Tesla Motors.   

So is there is anything dramatically different between you and competition? Why should anyone give you their business?   Can you articulate your difference in a simple repeatable way that is easy to understand?   Would everyone in your company be able to deliver the message equally well?

Now imagine if your 'elevator speech' included something that explained why you or your company was dramatically different than your competitors?    Now that would be powerful and profitable. 

So let the drums roll and flags fly, here is my personal dramatic difference....

"I teach cutting edge persuasion techniques based in science that are fun and easy to learn.  They have been tested and proven to work as opposed to the old school high pressure sales tactics that have been passed down for decades. 

To me that is dramatically different than my competitors.   

Your turn....what makes you or your company 'dramatically different'?   Your future depends on your answer.   If you haven't got an answer, wouldn't that be a powerful thing to work on?

Here is my secondary difference which I really like......I make it easy for your clients to say yes and hard to say no.  

One simple rule guaranteed to make you more persuasive and likeable

 

"To listen is to be willing to be changed or persuaded by what we hear"

 

 

Only when the other person perceives that they are honestly being listened to will they really hear what we are saying.  When we feel we are not listened to we build resistance to the other persons thoughts. 

 

We are all guilty of waiting for the other person to finish so that we can have our say.   While they are talking most of us are busy not listening and instead forming our next thoughts.   The easy solution is....

 

The 50% Rule

 

Make sure the other person gets to speak at least 50% of the time.  Simple!  And if you let the other person speak 70 to 80% of the time guess what happens....

 

*  You start to build rapport

*  They like you more

*  They think you are smarter

*  The feel appreciated

*  Their resistance to you and your ideas drops

*  They will really listen to you

 

Isn`t that beautiful and all you have to do is stop talking!

 

Listen to learn

 

It is easier to persuade if you know where the other person is coming from.   Ask questions, ask lots of questions.   This gets you the information you need to persuade. The guy that talks the most usually walks away feeling satisified and comfortable.   Whose comfort is more important to you.

 

The first objective of persuasion is to find ways to lower their resistance to you and your ideas and requests.   This is the easiest path to preparing someone to be persuaded.  

 

Talk less to be more persuasive and likeable!

 

 

 

 

 



The 7 surprising benefits of a 'Thank You Card'

"It is a basic desire of all humans to feel appreciated and yet some give out appreciation as if it were coming straight out of their bank account"

 

 

1.  It makes you more likeable.    It's easy and natural to like anyone who appreciates who we are and what we did. 

 

2.  Thank You Card...is a great marketing tool.    What is the purpose of marketing tools?  To make your client feel positive about you and your company?   A hand written thank you can do that and it costs pennies.

 

3.  It's the classy thing to do.   We are busy and so is our competition.   It's easy to take our employees, clients and peers for granted.   That's what most do...except of course the classy people.   They say thanks sincerely and often.  Want to stand out from the mob...say thank you!

 

4.  Others notice.   Those lucky enough to get great thank you cards often show them off to others.   You create great impressions of yourself by being showing gratitude.

 

5.  Thank you cards have a lasting effect.   I recently saw a thank you card I gave to a friend on his fridge a full year after I originally gave it to him.   A verbal thank you would have been long forgotten. 

 

6.  Big advantage for small business.  Big businesses might send out those generic thank you cards but they rarely hand write a message!  And an ounce of personalization is worth a pound of professionalism. 

 

7.  Prepare to persuade.   So you want to make the big sale?   Research says for most major sales you may have to make 6-7 contacts before you can expect a successful outcome.   To do that you need to leave each contact with your client with a good feeling about you.   Thank them for their time so they will be receptive to another visit.

 

Who to give thank you cards to?

 

* clients

* employees 

* vendors

* friends and family

* peers

* new contacts

* anyone who does you a kindness

 

What to thank them for?

 

*  the businesss

*  their time

*  friendship or loyalty

*  a referral

*  a compliment or testimonial

*  their work (quality, efficiency and effort)

 

Make it special?

 

* hand write a message inside because it makes it more personal

* if your hand writing is not good...print but make it neat or it diminishes the effect

* make the message personal not generic

* take care in picking out your card and don't cheap out (that shows)

* humor goes a long way to warming up the recipient but isn't always necessary and      sometimes is not appropriate...you decide.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pssst....thank you for taking the time to read this, it is much appreciated!



 

 



 



How to become lucky

"Lucky people talk to more people, do more things and take chances every day"

Who wouldn't want to be lucky?   Well the truth is we can all be luckier than we are today.   All we need to do is take more chances. How many times have you heard this...you can't win if you don't play!  What the line should be is....you can't win if you don't take a chance.

So if you want to get lucky and make a new friend or find a new partner? Take a chance and strike up a conversation with someone new every day.

Want to find a new business opportunity?   Take a chance and contact someone successful and ask for some help.

Always wanted to write a book?   Take a chance and start writing today.  Or take a chance and contact an author and ask for advice. 

Got a great idea that you are doing nothing with?   Take a chance and share the idea with others to see if it is viable.  So many worry that others will steal your idea but if you don't take a chance and test it, it probably never see the light of day.   That's where regret is born. 

Want to win the lotto?   Take a chance and...buy a ticket...the odds are terrible but you can't win if you don't play.  

Want to become lucky?   Take a chance on something every day.   Sooner or later your luck is going to improve.....I guarantee it!  (the odds are in your favor)

My brilliant conclusion.....people who are luckier than me and probably just taking more chances!   I can fix that....

The strange power of note taking

"Taking notes can make you appear to be more intelligent and persuasive"

 

 



More intelligent....

Our brain makes assumptions all of the time.   Some we are aware of but most are subconscious assumptions.   Strange as it may seem we interpret a note taker as being more intelligent.

We perceive the note taker as being focused and thorough.  It brings up images of Doctors and Lawyers who must get things recorded accurately.   It also makes us feel that every word we say is important.   And anyone focused so intenly on what I say must be intelligent.   Right?

More persuasive...

When someone is trying to persuade us and starts out by sincerely trying to understand our thoughts and beliefs, we pay attention.  And we assume they are sincere because they take the time to record our thoughts.   Note taking causes us to feel important and which in turn lowers  our resistance to that person.  We feel appreciated and understood.

When the cops are interviewing witnesses they take notes on what they are told.  One of the reasons is because they know that the person being questioned is going to give more accurate answers when they see that their answers are being recorded. 

The effect of note taking is also that most people start to open up and reveal the real objections to the persuasion.

And here's the real good stuff...

"When they feel they have been heard and understood their minds are open to hear what we are going to propose"

Note taking is a poweful persuasion skill!

Do...

*  Use a quality pen not one of those company logo pens you swiped from the convenience store

*  Use a quality pad or portfolio.   Extra points... if it has a leather cover.

Don't..

*  Try to write down every dang word.   That would be annoying.  Just jog down important points.    Extra points...if you say something like...'excuse me but that seems important I'd like make a note of that'

Bonus...

When you are note taking you do less talking and more listening!

 

 

7 traits of the super successful

Sometimes I set out to write an article and then find out that someone has done all of the heavy lifting for me.   This link is an eye opener.   Please read it because I am certain that you will not only enjoy it but open your eyes to the super successful traits...enjoy!

http://www.inc.com/lewis-schiff/super-successful-wealth-building-traits.html

and just so I can say I contributed something to this post.....

How to seduce luck

Chapter 11

How to seduce luck

　
“the more fun I have the luckier I get”

I find it useful and amusing to think of luck as a lady, but you ladies might find it more pleasing to think of luck as a male hunk like a George Clooney look-a-like, you go right ahead. So where I refer to Lady Luck you can substitute it for Lord Luck. The idea of seducing luck, to attract good fortune juices up my creativity. So play along with me and let’s have some fun.

“your luck will never exceed your belief’s”

This is no hocus pocus, it is a fact….those who believe in luck are more lucky than the non-believers. This is partly explained because those who believe in luck tend to be more extroverted and therefore make more contact with others, leaving themselves open to more opportunities for luck to occur.

It seems so obvious to me that the more face to face contacts you have the more possibility for luck to come into your life. Nowadays, it’s too easy to have contact through the social media like Facebook. I like Facebook for many reasons, however it will never replace the real thing. There is so much more going in face to face, belly to belly exchanges.

It takes real live human contact to create intimacy. And the deeper we connect with others the greater the chance for luck to bless us.

“to seduce Luck, it is a huge advantage to be likeable”

If you can’t be handsome or beautiful you should at least be loveable. As with anyone you want to seduce, you need to catch their attention and the quickest way is to be noticeably likeable. Being likeable includes the traits of; being humorous, curious, playful, generous and focused on others instead of yourself. The ego centered and arrogant have to do things the old fashioned way and work heir tails off, because Lady and Lord Luck are like us, in that they are attracted to those who are attractive to other people.

“Lady and Lord Luck love good times and good people”

The lucky get luckier because their good moods actually allows them to take in more visual information than those in bad moods. They are more attentive to their surroundings and notice opportunities more readily. These serendipitous folks are that way because; they feel good and are more willing to try something new, just for the fun of it.

As an experiment, I wrote on an index card…Why am I so darn lucky? I carried that card around with me for a few days and had some ‘Mind Wandering Fun’ with it. When I thought of a reason for why I am so lucky I wrote it on the back of the card. Wow, it wasn’t long before I filled up the card and 4 more to boot. Turns out, I’m a lot luckier than even I thought.

The most interesting outcome of my little experiment was how it lifted my spirits. I felt lighter and happier. One morning I stopped in at the convenience store to pick up a coffee. When I entered the store the clerk greeted me with, ‘how are you today Eduardo?’ I laughingly told her, ‘I’m great and feeling lucky today’. She laughed and I proceeded to get my coffee. When I went to pay she said…’this one’s on me, I like lucky people’. And that’s pretty much the way my day went. I was believing I was lucky and people I came into contact with, wanted to reach out to me to get some of my good vibes. I highly recommend you try it!

“open yourself up to more than you wanted”

When you are too fixated on what you want, you may miss that Lord or Lady Luck wants to give you even more. It is helpful with your desires and wishes, to tag this phrase (it’s powerful)….‘this or something better’. I often wonder how many times when I limited myself by being focused on only one thing or one person and missed the chance for something better. I sure don’t want to limit Lady Luck’s gifts.

“you can’t stumble upon luck sitting on your butt”

The Roman philosopher Seneca said, ‘luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity’. Or as I once heard a motivational speaker say, ‘roast duck doesn’t just fly into your mouth’. It would be just silly to think that luck is going to find you without any effort on your part. On the other hand, I’m not entirely buying Seneca’s line either. There is more than preparation (hard work) and opportunity required…there is most frequently luck as well. We would do well to do all the can to facilitate luck.

“the lady wants to be appreciated”

There are many logical reasons why expressing and feeling gratitude attracts good fortune. First, it puts in you in the good feeling state that luck likes. Next, that which gets rewarded gets repeated. Just like the ladies, Lord Luck loves a compliment and a gracious thank you. The more grateful we are, the more we increase the possibility of good fortune. No excuses permitted, there is always something to be grateful for. In fact, there is always a lot be to be grateful for.

“don’t hang out with the unlucky”

I know this may seem harsh but the reality is those who are constantly attracting bad luck are going to continue to bring more bad luck into their lives (unless they were lucky enough to buy this book, I said somewhat modestly). This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do things for unlucky people. Just don’t spend too much of your time with them, until they change the behaviour that’s attracting that bad luck.

“be the luck you desire”

No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to dress up in drag to attract luck! Lady Luck wouldn’t like me to be anything but my manly self. What I mean is that while you are waiting for Lord Luck to favour you, be someone else’s luck. Isn’t that a beautiful idea? There are always those with less luck than you, so it’s fun and easy to become their luck. The Lady and the Lord, find that very seductive!

“seduce everyone to increase your luck”

You never know who is going to lay some luck on you. Sometimes it comes from the most unusual sources. So it makes good sense to seduce everyone you come into contact with. Make them feel good and who knows what good fortune they might bestow on you. Besides it’s fun and easy game seducing everyone.

“ready fire aim”

Your chances of being lucky go up dramatically if you take more chances. So be bold. Mistakes are just the way we learn. Sometimes you are right and sometimes you just luck out. If what you are tying doesn’t work, make some changes and try again.

You’ll be a lot luckier if you remember this…‘don’t try harder, try different.’

“never forget, it’s just a game”

Take life or luck too seriously and you squeeze the fun out of it. There will always be some mystery and surprise when it comes to luck and love and that’s the way it should be. Seducing Lady or Lord Luck is the most fun you can have with your pants on….good luck!

“luck is looking for the needle in the haystack and finding the farmer’s daughter”
(unknown)

Secrets of Con Artists





Confession...

While I was studying how con artists work, I came to the realization that they use a lot of the same techniques  I teach in persuasion courses.   YIKES!   The only difference between con artists and me is 'intent'.  

I teach persuasion techniques in order for you and clients to reach a mutually beneficial outcome.   However, there is always the possiblity that some people will use them to manipulate you.  I'm comfortable with my intent.

So how do con artists work?

1.   Extreme likeability.   Con artists appear to be generous and kind.  The will often give you small gifts or do you favors to win your confidence. They project warmth and sincerity and confidence.   The attitbutes of people we might say are charismatic.

2.  Client intelligence or should I say victim intelligence.   A con artist wants to know everything possible about his/her mark.   They want to know your likes and dislikes.   To gather this 'intel' they will search your social media, do internet searches and ask a ton of questions to get to know you. The idea is to get you to talk twice as much as they do.  And who doesn't like to talk about themselves?

3.  Seek the similarities.   First they want to find out everything they can that they share in common with you.   Next, they will fake similarties to further gain your confidences.   They want to appear to be similar to you so that you will lower your resistance.  This builds trust and likeability. Often it will feel to their victim that they have found their soul mate or a brother or sister. 

4.  Ask for a small favor followed by a much bigger favor.   This is the 'Ben Franklin' principal.   Old Ben found out that if you ask for a small favor, the other person starts to like you (after all he did a kindness for you) and then is more open to a bigger favor later.  This has been researched and proven to work.

5.  Learns your emotional triggers.   Your passions, your hurts and your desires.  And most common amongst con artists is to appeal to your greed.

6.  Listen and make adjustments.   Not every con goes smoothly so they are careful to listen and observe everything you do and say.    They need to pay attention to your body language....to read you like a book.  Only when everything looks positive will they attempt to give you their amazing pitch or plead for your help.

7.  Show immense gratitude and appreciation for who and what you are.  It is difficult not to like and trust someone who sees the greatness in you that others don't appreciate. 

8.  Repeat back what you say to them.   This makes you feel like they really are paying intense interest in you.

9.  To gain your respect they will show you their (fake)  accomplishments and credentials.  This works even  better if someone else does the bragging about the con's attibutes.  After all he is too humble to brag, right?

10.   Only after they feel that you like, trust and respect them will they make the pitch that is going to seperate you from your money.

I'm not trying to teach anyone how to be a con artist however how can it not be a good thing to know how they operate.   If you gut instinct tells you something isn't right..trust it.   However, if we all good at that intution thing no one would ever get conned. 

Bonus....whenever someone is trying to sell you something observe how many of these techniques they are using?  It will be an eye opener.   Cheers!

What works better than positive affirmations?

Have you ever tried positive affirmations to help you manifest some goal or great desire?  Millions have and millions have been disappointed.  Some will say it works wonders.    My psychology friends say research proves otherwise. 

Here is what research says about positive affirmations...

When you repeatedly use a positive affirmation your brain interprets this as if it had already happened.    So if you were to say for example.....My business is prospering and I am in a position to use my wealth to help others achieve their goals and dreams etc.  Sounds nice huh?   But what happens?   Nothing.  

Your brain interprets as if this were already so, there is no need to take any action. Your subconsious feels like you already have achieved that beautiful affirmation and you start to feel really good about it.  So why would your subconscious be motivated to  do anything?

So what's a girl to do?

Here are the two magic words that can actually put you on the path to realizing that goal or dream...

Will I ____________________________.

Let me give an example of how it worked for me recently?   A few months ago I had a talk to give to a management  group.   I was highly motivated to make it a success.   So I wrote this on a card and carried it around with me for the 2 weeks preceding my talk.

 

A kept the card where I could see it and contemplated the question often.   As a result I started accumulating ideas for my presentation.   By the time it was time to do my talk I felt super prepared and yet still slightly nervous.  I think I was nervous because right up till I took the stage I was still thinking....'will I be able to give  a ' knock their socks off presentation'.     And guess what.....I did! 

After my presentation those in attendance took turns giving an evaluation.  Almost every soul present gave a terrific thumbs up for the talk.   Felt pretty darn good.  So I know this works like magic because it focuses you on moving towards the goal.   You never stop improving.   Then as you keep improving your confidence grows.   You might like me still be nervous until success is achieved but that's a good thing.

It is so wonderfully simple and yet it works like magic.  A week ago I decided to use it to get me off my procrastinating butt and finish my next book.  It has been progressing a break neck snails speed.   So here is my new card...

Yikes...that's a little scary to contemplate?   Finish my book in less than 60 days?  My last book took 2 years to write.     I made that new card a week ago and have written every day since.   Each day I write I feel better about myself.   I'm starting to think I've kicked procrastinations butt.  

Will I do it? 

Honestly, I don't know but I do know I'm progressing quite nicely, thank you.   I've done more writing in the past week then I did in the previous 2 months.   I find that the further I progress the more motivated I have become.  I know that my evil enemy procrastination is always out there with a cold beer or a glass of wine, ready to throw me into a pile of 'never going to happen' but my resolve is growing daily. 

Sheesh...if this works imagine what else I could accomplish?  Look out ladies I might just put you on my list of....Will I ______________________?

So will you try it?  

I truly hope so and I would be thrilled if you let me know how it works for you?   Feel free to leave a comment or to send me a private email at edsemail@ shaw.ca   Wouldn't it be cool if I could use you as a success story in my book?

Pssst.....I could use your help?   Please hit the f button below and share this with your facebook friends.    The more people I can enlist to try this magical method the more I can prove it works.  And of course helping others is what we do like to do, right?  Thanks!

 

The secret about closing the sale nobody ever tells you

 

"The sale is made or lost before you ask"

 

 

When I started out in real estate we were taught the following mantras which it turns out are complete baloney...

 

1.  Always ask for the sale or

2.  Be constantly closing.

 

Here is why this is nonsense!   When you ask for agreement or the sale, if the buyer is not ready you just created  resistance.    If the answer turns out to be no, you've just added 'great' resistance.   Each time a buyer says no, the resistance to your product, service or idea intensifies.   It's like asking a person out on a date.   The more 'no's' you get, what is the likelyhood you will ever get a 'yes'.   Ouch!

 

And the more resistance between you and the buyer the more stress that is built up.  It is stressful on the buyer to be asked for the sale before they are not ready to make a committment. It is stressful on you to deal with a 'no'.  Or to be asking for agreement when you know the likely answer is...NO!  How can that be good?  

 

So here's what you need to know that most don't....

 



"Your first objective is NOT to make the sale it is start a relationship"

 

In order to build a relationship you must first get by that persons resistance.   They may have resistance to you, your ideas, your product or your service.   To get past this resisantance you must first attempt to gain their. ....trust, respect and likeablity.  You don't need them in equal amounts. Sometimes you only need one quality to make the sale or persuasion.  Often likeablity is enough. 

 

Allow me to give you an example.    Oprah has millions of fans who trust, respect and love her.   When she makes a book club recommendation it is a guarantee that the author is about to make millions of sales.   Her fans don't need logic to buy the book, they have Oprah's word on it.   Enough said.

 

The obvious next question is how to gain someone's trust, respect and likeability?  Glad you asked grasshopper.   And here is the part most people don't understand.

 

"First Prepare to Persuade"

 

Find out as much as you can about the person you want to influence.  If you are going to attempt to build a relationship you need to know their likes, dislikes, goals and motivations.   I call this...'Client Intel' (just because it sounds cool instead of saying something creepy like spying...lol).   It seems obvious that if I want to get you to like, trust or respect me,  I first need to know what they like, trust and respect.  

 

Some tips of gaining 'Client Intel'...

 

1.  Talk to anyone you know who also knows that person.

2.  Check their social media....twitter, facebook etc

3.  Do an internet search on the person

4.  Check their company website for any info on the person

5.  Ask the person whenever you can about their likes, dislikes, problems and goals.

     Ask them about competitors that they trust and respect.   Ask lots of questions!

6.  Build a 'Confidential Client Intel' file ( just trying to sound James Bond

     cool again)  but do keep and grow your client info it is vital to your ability to    

     influence.  The reason this is so important is because...

 

 

I will expand on this in later articles but here is your takeaway today...

 

1.  The sale is made before you ask

2.  You must find ways to lower their reistance to you, your product and service and

     your ideas

3.  Find ways to gain their trust, respect and likeability

4.  Your first objective is not to make the sale it is start a relationship

5.  Prepare to Persuade

6.  Gather 'Client Intel'

7.  Have some fun!

 

We are just scratching the surface here friends so come back and I'll share the secrets of how to become more likeable, and gain trust and respect.   It's the most fun you can have with your pants on (I'd like to promise you that I'll be more professional sounding  however we both that's not going to happen anytime soon).

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to be persuasive if you are an introvert?

"Fake it till you make it"

I doubt most people that know me today would realize what an introvert I was when I was a kid.   Even now I don't consider myself an extrovert although I have sold millions of dollars of real estate, managed offices and given talks to hundreds of people at a time.   So what is my secret?

Yep, I faked it until I actually got confident and even good at sales, management and public speaking.   I watched friends and people I admired do their thing and then I pretended I was them.   In fact I still do it at times.   And I learned a few little secrets along the way....

People love to talk about themselves...

I started out in life by always asking a lot of questions.   At first it was because I was more comfortable if the spotlight wasn't on me.   Plus we all know how much most people like to talk about themselves, their lives, their interests, ideas and beliefs.  So I didn't have to be a brilliant conversationalist because they were more than happy to carry the conversation.   Turns out there are  a lot of benefits to this approach..

1.   They will tell you how to make them like you.   By asking questions you can find out the similarites you have with them.   The more you have in common the more they tend to like you

2.  They will tell you what they don't like so you know which topics to avoid.

3.  By listening intently like you really care, they assume you do and that helps form an initial liking.

4.  They assume you are smart.   That one still blows me away.   By speaking less and listening intently you have time to reflect on what's been said and are more likely to say things that are perceived as more intelligent than most people.   Extroverts have a tendency to shoot from the lip too much and often shoot themselves in the foot occasionally.  Quieter people are assumed to be deeper thinkers (and often are).

5.  You can pick up clues to mirror the other person.  Tone and speed of voice and even breathing patterns.   You can watch for body language and mirror that as well.

6.  You can repeat back some of things they said and then they really start to like you. 

7.   And finally when they come up for air, they are more likely to listen to your persuasion.  For most people if they've talked 4/5 of the time, they feel obligated to give you time to say something and might actually listen to you.  

Here is your take away...

*  ask lots of questions
*  listen like you really care
*  seek out the similarites between the two of you
*  repeat back some of the things they say
*  act like you are someone you know who is confident and persuasive

Fake it till you make it because it works!

 

Confession....I use the sales tactic because it works everytime!

 

"Reduce to the ridiculous"  (read to the end or you'll miss the good stuff)

Imagine you go into a retail store and you see this...

Pretty irrisitable, right?   And of course that is a very common tactic retailers use to part us from our money.   

Another example....

You've seen those late night commercials for the latest gizmo?   They follow a format like this...

This incredible gizmo normally retails for $120..

But wait today only you can own this marvelous technology for ONLY....$19.95
That's right only $19.99

But wait it gets better....order right now and we'll give two, that's right two of our fantastic gtizmo's for $19.99

But wait there's more....order today and we'll give you____________ for no extra charge.

This technique of 'reduce to ridiculous' is highly effective.   And we know it works because they run those annoying commercials endlessly.   They wouldn't do it if it didn't work.

Reduce to ridiculous method #2...

Car dealers (and realtors) use the same technique in a different way.    E.g

First they quote the regular car price.........$24,000
Then the reduced price (today only)..........$21,900
Then the monthly payments .......................... $397

Or better yet bi-weekly...................................$194

See how 'reduce to ridiculous works'?    We started talking at $24,000 and end up at only $194.    Our mind just can't stop thinking about the only $194.   It's such an incredible deal...but only today?   Better grab it before its gone!

Now time for me to read your mind......'ok Guru nothing new here, tell us something we didn't know?'

Reduce to ridiculous method #3

Imagine you are at one of my brilliant talks.    At the end of the talk it is time for me to pitch my best selling book?    Here's how I would do it step by step...

1.   Tell them what the book can do for them.
2.   Tell them why them would be smart to own it.
3.   Then I would say....the first question people usually ask me is...how much is your book worth?  My response....conservatively 100's of dollars and maybe more.
4.   A chuckle.....but I won't charge you that much
3.   Then give them a deal.....normally my book sells for $24.95 but today because you were so much fun its yours for only $19

So using the reduce to ridiculous principal, I started at $100s and ended up at $19.   The little chuckle is signal that I'm only joking however I have still subconsiouly planted a big number in their head.  

How can you use this to your advantage?

It doesn't matter whether you are selling a product or a service.  Just throw out a wild number, chuckle and give you real price.   It will seem to them they are getting a great deal.  

Non-profits use this also.    They might start out asking for BIG donation and the reduce to ridiculous.    Start out asking for say...$500 and then add but every penny counts so any donation will put smiles on the faces of those poor kids. 

Stated out at $500 and ended up at pennies.   Of course they know no one is going to give pennies.   It works like magic.

Note.....even you don't use this or don't approve of the tactic, isn't it a good thing to aware of the technique when it is being used on you?   And shouldn't your family and friends be made aware of it?

 

Don't touch that! (or you will want it)

"If you touch it you will want to buy it"

Research has shown that when you touch an item on a store shelf, test drive a car or hold my book....you are going to feel the desire to buy it.  

Once you hold something it registers in your brain as if you owned it.    Therefore, you feel a reluctance to give it back.   Heck, I didn't need the research to believe in this theory.  I see it being used everyday by retailers.

Sometimes this is called the puppy dog close.   I know because that's how I came to own my last dog.     My son pleaded to go into a pet store just to see the puppies that were playfully wrestling in the store window.   Of course I told him under no circumstance would we would buying a puppy.    He promised!

You know how this is going to end don't you?    That's right, the clerk asked my son which one he liked?   Put the puppy in his hands.    And the dirty rotton SOB said to my son, 'why don't you take him home and bring him back in the morning?'   I knew at that moment....I was screwed and about to expand the family by one cute puppy. 

What was the lesson for me?

First, never take a child into a pet store if you don't want a pet!

Second,  I could use this principle of 'touch it and you own it'  to my advantage.  Now when I finish my talks I usually conclude with a pitch for my book...How To Seduce Life.   When I first started about 25% of those attending bought my book.   And for most speakers that's pretty good.   But then I remembered the puppy story and...

Now when I speak at least 90% of those attending buy my beautiful book!

 

Here is what I do......before I start my book pitch I give everyone a copy of my book to look at.  Most of the time 100% of them buy it.    I have a few other techniques to help persuade them to buy however nothing is as effective as putting it into their hands.  

I remember once after a talk a young lady came up to me get her book signed.   She then told me that prior to my  pitch for the book, she told herself she had spent more at the conference than she intended.   So she promised herself that under no circumstances was she going to buy any more books.   Then once she got the book in her hands she just couldn't bring herself to give it back.    Wow!

How could you use this to your advantage?

Even if you are selling a service you can use the principal to your advantage.   To do this you need highly attractive promotional materials that you can give them.  Cheap looking and feeling materials don't work.   It must feel expensive in order for this to  work. 

Or you could give them an opportunity to test drive  something for free.   Just don't give away too much.   Let them feel what having your service would be like.  If they like it they will want to buy it. 



  

A persuasion short cut that creates instant likeability

"One of the most effective ways to influence others is to ask for advice or assistance"

Imagine that you are new to a position and you want to persuade a client to give you some business?    She knows that you are inexperienced and your knowledge of her business and of the industry is extremely limited.  What chance would you have of making a sale?   The odds would be pretty low, right?

However, what if you were to say something like this.....'I confess that my knowledge of your business needs is very limited.  And I was wondering if you could give me some advice?   What would I have to do to earn your the privilege of doing business with you?    Odds are over-whelmingly strong that she would give you some very valuable advice.  

Why?

*  because we programmed to want to help when asked
*  because it is empowering to be asked for help
*  because it is totally non threatening so the client loses her resistance to you

A little story...

Ben Franklin had a political opponent that fought him on every turn.   The man was a pain in the butt to Ben.  A strong dislike was growing between them.    Ben decided to try and turn things around.

Here is what Ben did....

Ben knew the man had a wonderful library of valuable books.   Ben asked the man if he would consider lending him one of his books that Ben was most interested in reading.   He was at first shocked that an advisary would ask for a favor.   He considered Ben's request and relented and loaned the book to Ben. 

Then what happened...

Ben read the book and offered gracious thanks for the favor.  Next, Ben noticed the man softened to him and became even friendly.  So what did Ben do?   He asked him for assistance in developing a bill for Congress   He agreed.   They became friends!

Asking for advice or a small favor causes others to be more receptive to us.

Asking for advice is significantly more persuasive than using pressure tactics.   Also, it doesn't build pressure or leave a sour taste. Also, they will tell you how they like to be sold....isn't that beautiful?   And here is an unexpected bonus for asking for advice....

When we ask for advice we are perceived as being more intelligent!   After all, you are showing some wisdom by choosing to ask me for advice"

This is how even an experienced person can level the persuasion table. 

Pssst.....can I ask you for a small favor?   Would you be so kind as to hit the f button below and share this with your facebook friends?   Because it would make me so happy....thanks!