Pssst.....do you want to know what others really think about you?

"To find out another persons real opinion ask them what they believe everyone else thinks"

Humans are mostly delusional!

In a research study done in 1997 a thousand people were asked this question...who do you think is most likely to get into heaven? Here are some of the results..

52% said Bill Clinton
79% said Mother Teresa
87% said themselves

In some ways it is an advantage to be a little delusional but the evidence is clear, if you want to know the truth you can't always trust your own judgement. So is asking others the best way to get a true response?

When you ask someone for their personal opinion you many times get a guarded to distorted response. The reasons may vary; they may want to protect your feelings or they may not want you to know their true feelings about something.

For instance imagine that you ask someone what they think about your public speaking abilities? The truth might well be that they think you suck at it and should keep your day job. Instead they may something like....well, you're new at it but I can see some promise if you work on it. Their answer is trying to go easy on you and it doesn't reflect their true belief.

Now imagine asking them.....what do you believe others think about my public speaking? Now, they are free to be more critical because its not what they believe, it is opinion of others. Except it's not! It is actually what they believe.

No matter the question you will get a more honest answer if you ask them what they believe others think?

"There is nothing you can learn from a compliment but much that can be learned from constructive criticism"

What are some benefits of using this technique..

* Understand the true objections to a sale
* Know how you are being perceived
* Find out where you are in the sales process
* Get to the truth quickly and easily

Just remember...don't ask if you don't want to hear the truth!

So what do you believe others will think about this idea?

How to make your proposal 20% more effective?

Mimic their body language

Research has proven that just adding mimicry made the sales pitch 20 percent more effective. The trick is to delay a few seconds before mimicing another persons body movements. There's plenty of research on mimicry's power:
Research has shown the two things a salesperson must have are:
1) empathy
2) ego drive.

Mimicry is a potent nonverbal form of empathy. It may be the key to sales.
Mimicry makes you a better negotiator. The first words you should say in a negotiation are anything very similar to what the person on the other side of the table just said. A good way to do this is to say....so what you are saying is (and then repeat back what they said)
Out and out mimicking people (but not obviously) causes them to like you more and to act more kind. On dates, when women mimic men the guys are more interested.


Mimicing makes people feel that you are like them and given the opportunity we prefer to do business with those we like and feel comfortable with.

3 words that will make you more persuasive

In order become a powerfully persuasive person you need to understand how to get past a persons resistance. 

Reistance is our defence mechanism to shield us from being sold on a product, service or a person.   No one wants to be sold anything.   Oh sure, sometimes we want to buy but we don't like to be sold.  Being sold is to feel pressure to buy and our resistance rises as soon as we detect that is happening.

So here's how to slip by the resistance...

What if....

Imagine that you are asking someone out on a date.   Typically you might say something like....Would you like to go for dinner and a movie on Friday night?  

The person being asked has to make a snap decision.   The pressure and stress builds as the recipient of the request ponders your question.   And if the answer is no, the door has just slammed shut on you and resistance to you is building.

Each no you get builds more resistance.   So if I keep asking and keep hearing no, I am getting further away from a sucessful response. 

At the time of rejection you will both want to retreat and try forget the experience.

What if, instead I tried this on a lady......What if I were to ask you to go for dinner and a movie on Friday night, how would you feel about that?

Remember, I only asked her what if?   I didn't really ask her out.   So there is little or no pressure because I was just asking her thoughts on my speculative request.   So if her answer is no I don't think that would work  Nothing is lost we can carry on as usual.  

However, if she says she would like that, then I could take it as a yes and wahoo...we have a date.

Plus, I just might flush out the reason  for her objection.     Her objection just  might be something I can overcome.

Imagine using this in a business transaction? 

P.S.  you can replace 'what if' with 'imagine' if that works better for you!

Because...

Research has proven that when you make a request and follow up with a 'because' it becomes more persuasive.  Although the research didn't explain why 'because' works so well, I speculate it is because it is complimentary to the other person.   When someone takes the time to explain why they are making a request it causes us to feel appreciated.    When someone makes a request without an explanation it's feels like we are not worthy of an explanation.      

So in my example I could say something like this....What if I were to ask you out for a dinner and movie on Friday night because I think we would both enjoy seeing that movie and I think you would like the menu at that restaurant?

Imagine trying out this technique the next time you are asking someone to do business with you because it really works!

Bonus #1

It is really important to use their name at the front of your request.   Using their first name makes it more personal and friendly.   It seems simple and it is but it brings results because it lowers their resistance to you. 

Bonus #2

The real power in persuasion is to string several techniques together as I just did by using....what if, because and their first name.   I call this the String theory of Persuasion.  

As I write more articles on persuasion I will continue to string together multiple techniques because that's when it is most powerfully persuasive.   And because...by being able to say I developed a String Theory  makes me sound brighter than I actually am.....haha

Hmm.....what if I knew these techniques when I was a young man?

 

Quit trying to make a sale! (because it's hurting your chances of success)

"No one wants to be sold anything and no one really wants to be a salesperson"

Oh I know what you are thinking.....how does that stupid guy think I can grow my business without making  sales?  Glad you asked...

First, lets examine why trying to make a sale is bad for business?   Trying to make a sale creates resistance.   Resistance to your product or service and resistance to the person trying to make the sale.  The reason is that the traditional sales process creates stress and who likes stress?   Right, no one!

I remember many moons ago when I started out in my career I was taught this mantra....always be closing.    The idea was that at every opportunity we were to be asking for the sale.   If you don't ask you won't get the sale.   Bullcrap!

Everytime a client says no he or she builds resistance to you and your proposal.   Each no pushes you further away from a successful outcome.   Given enough no's they never want to see your high pressure sorry ass again.

So what's a girl to do?

Introducing.......The Secrets of Persuasion!

The first question I get asked at my talks on this subject is...what is the difference between making a sale and persuasion?  The simple answer is intent!

In the sales process the objective is to make the sale.   That implies that the benefit goes to the seller and if the client gains a benefit that is great but not necessary.   The sale itself is of  first importance.  So the tactics used (as long as the are legal)  are acceptable and considered necessary.

In the persuasion process the first objective is not to make a sale!   The first objective is to establish a relationship.   To gain trust, respect and likeability between both parties.   The end result must be of mutal benefit.   The ultimate objective is a long and prosperous relationship.   As a young marketing representative at my last talk said.....so that's kind of like leading my client to a result he should eventually get to himself. Isn't that beautiful?

The persuasion secrets that will be the basis of my next book and my current talks are fun and easy to learn and work like magic.  

It's like having an unfair advantage over your competition.  

What if, you were powerfully persuasive?   How much fun could you have if you never had to ask for a sale and instead they asked you for the priviledge to do business with you?

What if, your employees were all powerfully persuasive?   How would that affect your companies growth and future plans?

Yeah, I know this sounds like one of those late night infomercials?   However, what if it's not?   What if, this is based on real and honest research that is proven to be effective?   Because, guess what?   It is!

So stay tuned as I will be using this blog to explain ...The Secrets of Persuasion  

  





 

The personality trait for successful people......do you have it?

A recent study of highly successful people revealed the personality trait of those who accomplish the most in business and life.    And that trait is....

An optimistic realist

 

 

I believe a lot of people were decieved by books and movies like The Secret.   It implied that you if you held only positive thoughts and images in your head that you could manifest your dreams.   Sounds great, right?  Except it doesn't work that way and the reasearch proves it.

 

Being an optimist is a great advantage as we like to be around those people.   Positive energy is highly attractive to us.   It feels great to be around highly optimistic people (most of the time).    But a person who denies reality is going to be in for a hard landing....

 

 



An optimistic realist knows when something just isn't going to work and when to quit and try a different approach.   And sometimes when to pick a new goal more suited to our talents and abilities.  

A lot of self help authors and speakers have taken advantage of the gullible by telling their clients they can do anything and be anything.   That is just not realistic so that is why I say...

 

"Trust your heart but take your brain with you"

 

 

DISCLOSURE......I have been as guility as anyone I know of being overly optimistic and at times denying reality.  Everytime it came back to bite me.   No more I am committed to being an....Optimistic Realist for the rest of my  life.  

What is the most important attribute for success and to be 'positively persuasive'

This morning I read a poll that listed the most trusted people in America.   So as I asked you to do, I began to think who would I pick as the most trusted man and the most trusted woman?

In my mind I considered:

Those with huge credentials and accomplishments.    (Nobel Prize winners)

I considered those who had done the most good for society.   (Bill & Melinda Gates)

Spiritual and religious leaders  (Dali Lama)

Great entrepeneurs   (Richard Branson)

But as usual I was out to lunch on this one (not even close)

So let the banners fly and trumpets blare, without further ado here is America's choice for most trusted persons....

For the men..

For the women...

 

 

 

Wow, Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock are the most trusted people in America!  I didn't see that coming.   So I got to thinking.....ok what qualities do they project that makes them so damn worthy of such trust?

 

They are both actors so can't compare to others in terms of saving the planet, helping save lives or creating world changing technology that makes life easier for their fellow humans.   Then I realized they are off the charts in one particular attribute....

 

Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock are both so darn likeable!

 



I remember once I was daydreaming about who would be the perfect mate for me?  The image of Sandra Bullock popped into my head (like a million other guys).   She seems about as perfect as they come.    She projects all of the qualities I admire and desire except for one thing.     I haven't got the foggiest clue if she actually has those qualities.   All I really know of her is her movie and TV image.   As usual I didn't have a good grip on reality.

All that fun daydreaming of our imaginary affair aside the real important question is....what qualities do Tom and Sandra project that make them so likeable that we rate them most trusted?

Here is what I came up with, see if you agree?

honest & sincere
open & vulnerable
self deprecating humor
attractive & healthy    (not sure about Tom ...you ladies can evaluate that)
intelligent (but not genius level)
witty & funny
confident
warm
somewhat humble
giving & sharing

Assuming you have those qualities I feel I can confidently predict that you will be highly likeable and therefore by extension trusted.  

And if you are highly trusted you will be believable and be able to persuade most people to your way of thinking without much effort (assuming its not evil).

Now if you'll excuse me....I've got a lot of work to do on that list!

The sweetest sound that seduces (and sells)

 

 

The sweetest sound that seduces and sells.....is our name!

Do you want to make a quick connection with a stranger?   Find out their first name and use it liberally.    Our first name is personal.   Now a days it seems the only people that call me by my last name are;  the cops, bill collectors and Revenue Canada.   The cops don't like to use your first name because it is too personal.   And if they did that their would be a higher liklihood that they would let you off the hook for that speeding ticket.   Ditto for bill collectors and Revenue Canada or the IRS.

When someone uses our first name they seem more familiar and we tend to get more comfortable with that person.   We like to hear our name.   It means we are being recognized as an individual.  When we are relaxed and comfortable around someone we are more open to their persuasion.

Let me give you an example!   A year ago I was booking a flight online with Westjet Airlines  and they were in the process of changing over their reservation system.  I called and called but couldn't get through.   It took 2 days to finally connect with a real live human.  I was pretty ticked about wasting so much time just to reach an agent.

When the agent came on and identified herself by saying....Hi my name is Angela and I apologize for any inconvenience caused by our system...how may I help you?  Grrrr..was the first thought that came to mind.   However, before I unloaded on Angela, I caught myself and decided to test my skills.

I said...Angela I am very frustrated at it having taken me so long to get through however in fairness you've probably even more frustrated putting up with angry customers so need to apologize I know its not your fault.   That got things off to a good start.  

Then I continued to use her name during the conversation and ended by saying .....you've been a pleasure to deal with, so thanks again Angela.   Our transaction was done but before I could hang up she said....just a minute Ed maybe I can do something for you.   She then proceeded to get me a room upgrade and sent a note to the hotel that I was a  VIP and Westjet would be grateful for anything they could do  to make my stay special. 

Wow...a room upgrade, flowers and wine in my room gratis on arrival and warm friendly service.   Cool!   And all because I made it personal between me and Angela by using her name frequently.

But wait it get's better...

Try to start and end your communications with the person's name.   Do it on emails, snail mail, facebook and texts.   Of course with a short text it would seem silly to start and end with the name.    And don't overdue it because it will come across as salesy.