Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Seductive Words

“choose your words wisely, for they can make your life fun, easy and abundant or hard and difficult”

Words seduce and words repel. Some words are instantly seductive to others. Words like; love, peace, admire, adore, cherish, sincere and appreciate, are just a few of the words that have an immediate effect on others. Stringing words together can motive a country, such as…ask not what your country can do for you, or..I have a dream. Words to a life seducer are like paint to a painter, we can’t create or entice without them.

“the most seductive word to all of us is our name”

 Calling someone by their name means we recognize them as a valuable human being and not a servant. We love to hear our name, it validates us. It makes our communication personal. You will never be a life seducer if you don’t use a person’s name at every opportunity. Lucky for us, so many people wear name tags, sadly so many ignore the opportunity to make a waitress or clerk feel human.

I wish I were better at remembering names, but I can say I’m working on it. I understand just how important it is. I remember once, I was phoning an airline and could not get through, it took two days to make contact. By that time I was pretty annoyed. I let loose with a little tirade on the representative. Half way through it suddenly dawned on me that wasn’t going to accomplish anything. I stopped and asked for the ladies name, which she said was Jennifer and I insisted she call me by my first name. Jennifer, I said, I need to apologize, I was just incredibly frustrated and I realize it wasn’t your fault. You must be tired of hearing people like me blow steam at you, again sorry.” The phone went quiet and then she said….’yes I’ve been getting yelled at all morning, it hasn’t been any fun since our reservation system went down’. I said, ‘well if its any consolation Jennifer, it helps on this end of the line, that you have such a sweet voice‘. Jennifer had just been totally seduced, she gave me a $200 rebate and a seat upgrade for my inconvenience. In short order we were both laughing and joking about dumb people and dumb airlines, it was like we were in on an inside joke. But even more important than that, I got reinforced in my thick skull that….words matter a lot (especially names)!

“don’t let anyone call you Mr, Mrs, Miss, Madame or Sir”

There is a reason the police deal with people by calling them Mr or Mrs. They are trained not to get personal. If they allow the conversation to get personal, they would be more tempted to let you off of the speeding ticket. You don’t give friends tickets, so they keep as they say, a professional distance. You won’t seduce anyone who greets you formally. You need their first name and you need to give them yours. Make it personal as quick as you can.

“some words are especially seductive in that they make others want to be of assistance to us”

Help  That's a hard word for most to ignore.  Can you help me, makes the other person feel powerful and triggers a desire to exercise that power. 

Because  When you ask for something, just adding because followed by almost any kind of reason, has been proven to be highly effective.  Heck, it even works on kids.   To say, 'Johnny go clean your room' as every parent knows, goes in one ear out the other, faster than the speeed of light.  However, saying..Johnny please clean your room, because we have company coming, makes a surprising difference in the response you will get.   And those of you who are managers, this works wonders on employees.   You can thank me later....because it works!

"some people pay compliments, like it was coming straight out of their bank account"

Compliments are highly seductive to women, men and children (I guess that covers everyone).  It's hard to resist a flatterer when we want to belive what they are saying is true.   One small, well said compliment can turn a relationship back on course, soften a boss's cold heart and as I found out get you an upgrade on an airline.  The art of the compliment once mastered, is like a free pass to a seducer.   Practice it as often as the situation allows and most important of all....have fun!  

My favorite compliment is...God was just showing off when he made you.  I layed it on an elderly lady clerk the other day and she giggled like a school girl.  She would have given me everything in the store if she could have.   I got something better, a feeling that I had really made someone's day brighter.  As I said, they don't have to believe it, they just have to want to believe it.

"words are hollow without sincerity"
 Sincerity is the cement that strengthens  your words, so they can stand up to the ravages of a sceptical world. Warmth and eye contact mixed with the right words convey the sincerity that is so essential to a good seducer. Oh, and mix in the right body language and a master seducer you will be.
I love words. So this is a topic I could go on and on about. However, the mark of a good writer they say, is to know when to shut up, so I will.

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